Wednesday, June 20, 2007

The Pope and the Vatican Driving School

Holy Gotterdamerung!!! It's bunker time at the Vatican. The Nazi Pope must be getting desperate. Nobody cares what he has to say about anything anymore. N So he's trying to reach out to the masses..... by opening a driving school.

The Vatican (has) instructed its followers to take the high road issuing 10 commandments calling for those behind the wheel to drive with as much moral purpose as they live their lives.

Uh oh. That sounds dangerous. Not only do the guidelines strongly suggest that if you have to choose between picking up a hooker...or running over should mow the pedestrian down. Death is always horrible ....but sex with a hooker is worse.

Unless of course you can park your car in a nearby restaurant..... like this drunk priest did.

But even more disturbingly... the Papal Drive and Sex guide also includes this bizarre instruction...

It also praises the benefits of making the sign of the cross before turning the ignition key and reciting the rosary on the road, as its "rhythm and gentle repetition does not distract the driver's attention."

Oh sure. Maybe it wouldn't distract THEIR attention...but it sure would distract MINE. I mean if I'm stopped at a red light ....and I look over and see the driver next to me mumbling some crazy mumbo jumbo while feverishly fingering some ju ju beads....I'm OUT of there!!!!

Just like if I was in Baghdad and saw some sweating Muslim fanatic driving a large truck start doing the same thing...I'd get the hell out of there too.... or hit the ground.

With the Christian Taliban on the march. Or being jailed for murder You can't be too careful...

And even if these rosary chanters turn out to be harmless...if talking on a cell phone in fast moving traffic is dangerous...isn't having a conversation with an imaginary being while driving under the influence of Jebesus the same thing? Or worse?

Which makes me wonder...who on earth gave this Nazi Pope the right to open a driving school? When I can think of several good reasons why he shouldn't...

(1) Hasn't driven a car since his golden years in Nazi Germany...I mean how can you talk about something you haven't done for ages? What's he going to talk about next? Sex?

(2) Probably can't tell the difference between a stick shift and a so many of his priests. And if he mixed them up in heavy traffic that could be catastrophic. How would they EVER cover up that?

(3) Might if placed behind the wheel again have a distressing tendency to drive straight at gay people....liberated women.... abortion clinics...and condom ads. As well as of course ALWAYS driving in the far right lane.

(4) If given half a chance would probably keep the car permanently in reverse and try to steer it.... using the rear-view mirror....all the way back to the 12 th Century.

You see what I mean? Our roads are already dangerous enough. And BTW who does this Nazi Pope think he is issuing those 10 Commandments? Moses of the Autobahn?

Yup. If they know what's good for the franchise, the castrati at the Vatican should tell the old homophobe to shut up about EVERYTHING. And keep his ridiculous driving instructions to himself.

There maybe a Highway to Hell. But we ain't going there.

He is...


  1. LOL, Now you've done it Simon, you'll be in their sights!:D And probably a few of them will keep coming back for... hmm... those pictures of the good looking guys in the Pride Parade? But we won't tell anyone;)

  2. Hi JJ!! Actually I'm surprised at how little reaction I got. I guess even the wingnuts have given up on this Pope. Now if only I could convince him to take flying lessons. That could be fun...or disastrous...or both :)

  3. Watch your statcounter. You've probably made it onto the Christian Government List Of Infamy!