Friday, June 30, 2006

Burqa Bloggers and the Real Threat to Canada












Ugh. How revealing. Now we know what this little burqa blogging club liked to chat about. Now we know what these veiled ones really think about Canada. And what they think should be done about gays. They hide their faces. But they can't hide their hate.

The one in the picture is Cheryfa Macaulay, the wife of the alleged spiritual leader of the alleged terrorist wannabes. She spends a lot of time trying to make life hard for gay kids, or children of gay parents in Toronto schools.

But her internet buddy Nada Farooq makes her look like a pork chop. Really puts her to shame. She's such a religious fanatic she wanted her husband to promise she'd get a divorce if he ever turned down a chance for Jihad. And as for gay Canadians? Well she wants them dead.

"Look at these pathetic people. They should all be sent to Saudi, where these sickos are executed or crushed by a wall, in public...."

Ouch. That sounds painful. And in public too. A Gay Execution Show. How nice. I bet they are really popular.

But wait....who's the real sicko here I wonder? Doesn't Nada (pronounced Needa) know that people like her are forbidden to throw stones in glass houses? They're supposed to wait until some poor woman accused of adultery by her piggy husband is buried up to her head in the sand. And then throw their rocks at her.(Warning: deeply disturbing description)

Glory be to Allah. Does Needa need or what? The kids were cruel to call her Needa Shower. But she sure stinks out the joint now.

But don't laugh, the really stinky part is that Nada and her friends are precisely the kind of religious extremists Stephen Harper has been trying to recruit in the new immigrant community.

By playing the anti-gay card among other things. To try to win himself a majority.

He knows that religious zealots in those communities hate gays and lesbians and our beautiful, progressive, tolerant Canadian values. Just like his Reform Cons do. He figures he can steal them away from the Liberals. That they are his natural allies.

That's the scary and shameful part, and the real threat to Canada as we know and love it.

As for Nada I suggest that she take her own advice and move to the terrorist breeding ground of Saudi Arabia. Oh I know the place is run by a bunch of corrupt super rich piggies that are about as Muslim as I am. But their schools turn out legions of young wannabe terrorists. So she should love it there.

Or is she afraid? Afraid she might end up as the opening act at the Gay Execution Show. Warming up the bloodthirsty mob. By losing her foul tongue to an executioner's sword.

Not for trash talking or threatening the gay people of Canada. That's worth about fifty bonus Wahhabi Wannabe Crazy Suicide Bomber Terrorist/Martyr points.

But for daring to suggest that a wife should tell her husband when to divorce her.

Oh my golly dolly deity. That's practically a beheading offence. Chop.Chop.

Hey I figure if Nada wants us all to live in the shadow of the hideous veil. She should be prepared to lead by example.

Or zip up her burqa and shut the fuck up.

Now who's going to save us from Stephen Harper and his religious wingnut base?

Who hate us and our country's values just as much as she does.

Ten thousand bonus I Love Canada As It Is Free, Secular, Tolerant and For Everyone points for anyone who comes up with the answer....

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Afghanistan's Deadly Poppy Fields










I've always loved poppy fields. Especially the ones in the old killing grounds of Europe that sway over fields once watered with blood. Or the deadly meadow of poppies that Dorothy and her friends fell asleep in on the way to visit the Wizard of Oz.

I suppose the poppy fields of Afghanistan fall somewhere in between. From the air they look beautiful, an oasis of green and red carpeting the dusty mountain valleys. But up close they can be deadly. And it's really easy to lose your way. Kind of fall asleep. And forget what you're really doing there.

That's why I was interested to see this report that criticizes Canada for supporting the American-led poppy eradication plan. I think the report is too fixated on the crazy Global War on Drugs. And comes across as too idealistic and even a touch hysterical. But I also found the response a touch hysterical too.

Blast them all you want for any factual errors, if it's true that we haven't accidentally killed any Afghan civilians. But admit that the poppy eradication program is a real problem. And that it is having an effect on how our troops do their job. Particularly on the reconstruction front. For more on the great poppy debate read this post from Canadahar.

There are two unavoidable facts about Afghanistan. One. If Pakistan doesn't stop directing, arming and providing a safe haven for the Taliban and Al-Qaeda forces, our military mission will be a bloody one. Maybe even an impossible one.

And two that unless the Afghan government can deliver on its promises, and provide enough money to compensate poppy farmers caught in the opium trap more and more of them will be driven into the arms of the Taliban and the war lords. The southern lands will be lost, and our whole mission will collapse.

Hamid Karzai understands that and he's not a happy man.

Funny place Afghanistan. Complicated. One moment someone is your friend. The next moment he's your enemy.

Which makes it even more important to remember who and what you're fighting for.

Stephen Harper now parrots Chimp Bush and says we're in Afghanistan to keep not just terrorists but drugs off our streets. He's wrong. We're there to help the Afghan people and put their interests first. And if that means suspending the poppy eradication program until a suitable replacement can be found, then that's what we're going to have to do.

If we want to win of course.

A counter-insurgency war is all about winning the hearts and minds of the population. And depriving the insurgents of the ocean of support they need to swim in and survive. Not blindly following the Americans and making that ocean even bigger.

You can kill all the Taliban you want. Turn it into a daily body count. But a lot of those bodies are going to be ours.

If the Afghan people turn against us, we don't stand a chance of winning the war.

We might as well lie down in those poppy fields.

And never wake up...

Monday, June 26, 2006

My Wonderful Gay Pride parade













Groan....I'm so stiff and sore I can barely move. I whooped it up and hollered so much I can't really talk either. It's too painful. It's going to take a week to recover from this weekend. But I don't care. What a party. What a parade. What a way to show our colours to the world. And show them that they can hate us all they want. But we are not afraid. Like the guy in the photo we're fearless and proud.

It was the best ever Pride Parade as far as I'm concerned. It was better organized. The parade moved along quicker and although it started late (gay time is a bit like Caribbean time) the show was over in two hours. And it was a good one.

I loved the fact that they started the parade with muzzled marchers carrying the flags and placards of countries where gays and lesbians are persecuted like Poland, Russia, Zimbabwe, and Iran. And a big banner that read "We march for those who can't."

I also liked the show the Toronto and Ontario Provincial Police put on. It was big and noisy with lots of police cars and motorcycles draped with gay flags. And lots of gay officers in uniform, including a lesbian officer holding hands with her partner and kids. I felt so proud of our police force I admit I had tears in my eyes.

Then there was the radical contingent that had printed up hundreds of big pictures of Stephen Harper. As their convertible moved down the street they held up a picture of our homophobic President. And then tore it in half. One picture after the other. I know it was a cheap float and a cheap gesture. But you know me. I loved it all the same!!!!

There was also more music than in other parades. Although still not enough. I expect to hear it blasting out every inch of the parade. So people in the march and those on the sidewalk can really whoop it up. I mean are we gay or what?










But with great gay friendly samba bands like this one who's complaining? They had to hold me back from leaping over the barricades and bouncing like Tigger down Yonge Street behind them.

There were lots of cute bois too...











Although seconds after I took this shot I was forced to whip out my Super Soaker and mow down the one on the right. Stitched him from tit to tit. And left his hair looking like a soggy mop. I had no choice. Look what he was packing. Whew! It was either him or me.


Too bad. He was cute. Although the one who stole my heart was Superman...














Can you blame me? He's not only fearless. He's friendly too...

Anyway.......the whole thing went off without any ugly incidents to spoil the party. Although the guy in the next photo had to leave early. For the hospital. You know taking bad drugs is never a good idea. But when you take them and then wear a t-shirt that says "Governments are the Real Drug Dealers," you can look really dumb when you OD. Duh?









Once again the police, including some senior officers, were magnificent. As were all the volunteers who worked so hard to make the party happen.

I had no idea there were so many of them, young and old, gay and straight. I was so proud to be part of such a great team I can never thank them, or Sebastien enough. Even if I was just a broom boy. (sob)

And a big thank you to all the straight people who turned out to cheer the marchers on and join in the celebration. Along with all my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, they made it happen too. And it was beautiful.

I may be all beat up.

But I've never felt so happy and proud to be gay. Fearless and free. And ready to take on Harper and his homophobes in the battle over our equality rights. Ready to rumble. After today I'll settle for nothing less than their unconditional surrender.

Which I guess is what a Gay Pride parade is really all about....

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Partying with the Quebec Nation

Oops! What with Gay Pride weekend, and the World Cup, I almost forgot this big Quebec party.

Of all the great things that have happened to me in this beautiful country, being a Quebecer has to be one of the best.

I love the province and its people. They are progressive, tolerant, fun loving and just plain amazing. Their French language and culture enriches us all. In these right-wing times they are also the last bastion of Canadian values. Just look at how they treat their children.

They provide $7 a day daycare to help kids and their parents. They don't believe in jailing young offenders and throwing away the key. Like so many do in English Canada. Quebec spends more on rehabilitating kids rather than just punishing them. And their results are way way better.

They are also the biggest defenders of Kyoto and the environment, the biggest defenders of gay rights and a woman's right to choose, the most secular of Canadians, and the most wary about our new role in Afghanistan. If the rebel province didn't exist Canada would have to invent it.To remember what being Canadian is all about. Isn't that ironic?

There's also the cruel fact that if we subtracted Quebec's joie de vivre and sexxxy ooh la la appeal from the Canadian equation. Our enjoyment index would plummet like a stone. I mean where would you rather spend a wild weekend? In Calgary, Ottawa, or Montreal?

And oh yes.......they are a nation. Whatever Stephen Harper says.
Everyone in Quebec knows that. Everyone in Canada should know that too. It's a matter of survival.
If Harper thinks it's just a question of "semantics", he doesn't understand Quebec........ or Canada. Some things don't come from the head you nerd. They come from the heart. Will someone please send him to see the Wizard of Oz.

As long as French speaking Quebecers feel that they're a great nation in a great country Canada will stay united. And if they don't it won't.

It's as simple as that.

So here's to the great and wild and wonderful French-speaking nation in Canada. Long may it continue to flourish and feel free to be what it wants to be in this great country. Long may it help make us the country most Canadians want it to be. And make us kick up our heels and stop being so crabby. And shout " Whoopee aren't we lucky." Or just "merci beaucoup" once in a while. Like I do all the time.

Bonne fete tout le monde!!

I only wish I could be in Montreal tonight. Listening to those beautiful French songs. Watching the fireworks light up the city and the people I love.

But duty calls. Vroom, vroom...where's my broom? It's back to the other party. I'm not just cleaning up I want you to know.

I'm bringing the ooh la la too...

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Surviving the Gay Pride Parade












As you can see from this screen shot, I turned on our only gay tv news program just in the nick of time. Just as the anchor was pulling off his underwear. And reminding us all to turn out for Sunday's Gay Pride parade. Although I wish he hadn't done that. Reminded me I mean. I feel tired already. You see the parade may be the climax of a wild week-long party. But it's also a bit of an ordeal.

It's too long, too corporate, and too boring.You stand there for hours in the blazing sun waiting for your friends to go by with the goody goody contingent. So you can spend five minutes squirting them with your water gun.

There's not enough music, and the floats and costumes aren't up to gay standards. There are too many tired drag queens and not enough sexy guys or gals shaking their booties off. It's not political enough or wild enough. And people gay and straight lining the parade route aren't free to join in.

All you can do is watch from behind barricades, as the beer and condom floats go by. And hope that it ends soon. Before you get sun stroke. Or collapse from boredom.

And then there are the freaky nudists who can't tell the difference between a public street and a nude beach. The ones with the tiny fig leafs that I'd like to replace with a big bunch of poison ivy.

Anyway, after four or five hours of all of that, and a couple of hours of navigating the packed crowds on Church street, I'm usually so wiped, all I can do is stumble home and go to bed. Alone. How gay is that?





But who am I to criticize the parade? A lot of people work really hard with very little to make it happen. As they have done for years. I had a chance to volunteer this year and I didn't. So I should just shut up. Anyway I hear the organizers are going to speed things up this year. And even if they didn't I would still grab my water gun and go.

It's important for people to see how many of us there are. How we come in all shapes, and sizes, ages and colours. That we're their fellow citizens and that we want to be their friends. It helps closeted gays and kids feel they're not alone.

Who knows it might even help a young straight thug become a model citizen. Before he attacks a gay man. Like this guy did.

Isn't that a twist?

Talk about winning them over one gay bashing at a time... But I did like the reformed gay basher's message to the gay community:

"Don't be afraid to show who you are."

Don't worry we're not. That's why we've got "Fearless" and a clenched fist on our t-shirts. See you at the parade. It might not be the most exciting and gayest parade in the world.

But it's the only one we got...

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

James Loney and the homophobes















I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be gay in Canada these days. And I bet James Loney has too. But it's not just that story that bothers me. It's the comments.

And not just those vile ones. Comments like this one too. It's hard to believe you're in Canada when you read stuff like that. You'd think we were in Alabama or Zimbabwe.

If anyone thinks that homophobia isn't a big problem in Canada. Think again. The religious right's campaign of hatred against gays and lesbians is bearing its poisonous fruit. Just as I predicted.

What's wrong with these people? Who gave them the right to stick their dirty noses into our lives? Why do they hate us and talk about us so much?

Why do they give us the power to make an army shoot itself in the foot?

Or the power to divide churches? And force them to choose between hatred or love.

Are we supermen or batwomen or what?

I expect James Loney spends a lot more time thinking about those kinds of things than I do. He seems like that kind of guy. Decent and thoughtful and very brave. I don't think he's paranoid.

But maybe just a little naive.

He thought he had to go all the way to Iraq to meet religious wingnut bigots face to face. When they were right here in his own backyard. Our very own mouthbreathing homegrown homophobes. James spoke up, and risked his life for all kinds of causes except our own. Now he knows better.

Welcome home James.

Welcome to our struggle.....

Monday, June 19, 2006

Margaret Somerville: Martyr or Bigot?

They raised our beautiful rainbow coloured flag at Toronto's City Hall today to mark the beginning of Gay Pride Week.

The flag fluttered in the warm wind. There were speeches, songs, food and balloons. And everyone was invited. It was a great way to kickoff a week-long party. The only thing that almost ruined it for me was the stench of homophobia coming from just down the street. Where Ryerson University had just given Margaret Somerville an honorary degree.

You should have seen the look on her face as she accepted the degree. It was as if she was being blindfolded before a firing squad. Or she was Joan of Arc about to be burned at the stake. You'd think she was the victim of bigotry. Instead of us. But then Somerville has been auditioning for her martyr role for a really long time.

I know Margaret Somerville well from my days at McGill. I even admire some of her work. But I also know that most people, being unfamiliar with bio-ethical gobbledy-gook, haven't a clue what she's talking about most of the time. So on the question of gay marriage I'll make it really simple.

She believes that gays and lesbians shouldn't be allowed to marry even if they don't plan on having kids, because kids need to know their biological parents.

Huh? What?

But she's entitled to her opinions. As crazy as they are. What she can't do is campaign for the use of the notwithstanding clause to strip gays and lesbians of their equality rights. As she does. And still claim to be a martyr.

As Cathie from Canada once said: "We don't get to choose the battle. We only get to choose our side."

And Somerville has chosen hers. Someone should have give her a lesson in the ethics of misrepresentation. It's really elementary. You can't pose as a martyr. If you're really just a bigot.

I'm disappointed about what happened at Ryerson today. Its administrators should be ashamed of themselves. But I shouldn't be surprised. The administrators at Carleton University can keep them company in the Homophobe Hall of Shame.

But good for the students and faculty members who turned out at both places to protest. And did it with such dignity and pride. If I had been there myself I'm afraid I might not have been so polite. I might have whipped out my giant Gay Pride Week Super Soaker and cooled things down.

I love my big gun. Stripping down to my shorts and squirting my friends and brothers in the gay parade. On what is usually a brutally hot afternoon. Although this Super Soaker Flamethrower looks like even more fun!

I'm saving that one for when the yankees invade...

Seriously though, the whole thing did serve as yet another reminder of what this week is really all about. How homophobes come in all shapes and sizes. And how we have to keep on fighting them until we win.

As we will. If you don't believe me check out this outrageous gay (and I mean gay) video courtesy of brother Ryan.

See what I mean? How can anyone resist us?

When we've got him AND justice on our side.

Happy Gay Pride week everyone!

Hanging a lantern on President Puppet

So Stephen Harper has gone on on French tv to proclaim that he's not a puppet.And that nobody pulls his strings. Especially not Chimp Bush. So what? Who said anything about strings? Maybe he's just a puppet like this one.














All Chimp Bush has to do is slip him on like a glove, twiddle his fingers, and watch him jerk and jump. Did Harper think he could say he's not a puppet in French, and the rest of us wouldn't notice and laugh? Gimme a break.
How many Canadian Prime Ministers have had to come out and say they're really really not Yankee puppets?

But Harper not only worships the neo con gang in the White House, his government looks and sounds like them. He acts more like a President than a Prime Minister. He repeats Bush's crazy talk on the Global War on Terror word for word. And accuses anyone who disagrees with him of cutting and running. Just like the Chimp does.

He's attacking Kyoto, coddling the oil industry, planning to jail more kids, build more prisons, and dismantle the social safety net. He's going after gays to appease his religious wingnut base. And caving in to the gun lobby.

This isn't just wacky right-wing politics. This is the Republican Conservative agenda and the White House North. If President Harper isn't President Puppet what is he? A mime, a mimic, an impersonator, or a stooge?

Of course all he's doing by denying the obvious is hanging a lantern on one of his biggest problems, as they say in the business. Trying to turn a negative into a positive. Just like Karl Rove is doing with Bush and Iraq.

I don't think it's going to work for the Chimp. Iraq is just too much of a bloody quagmire. And I don't think it's going to work for Harper either. In fact, I think it's going to backfire and stick to him like mud. Stephen "I'm not a puppet" Harper. Hmmm....yes....I think we can work with that.

Many Canadians may still be stunned by the ruthlessness and authoritarian tendencies of the ReformCon blitzkrieg. And really hot weather makes us stupid instead of smart. But we're not that dumb.

Strings or no strings.

We still know a puppet when we see one...

Thursday, June 15, 2006

The Great Scotland England Soccer War











I've got something to confess. This guy and his team mates broke my heart today. I know I said I was going to cheer for England. But about two minutes into the game my feeling about the auld enemy resurfaced, and I started cheering for Trinidad and Tobago. And I wasn't the only one. Turns out most of Scotland was too.

It's quite an ugly little soccer war.

Today some Scots were trying to be friendly. Despite their crushing disappointment.

But the whole thing has pissed off the English so much they've fired off a new barrage of Scottish jokes. They're like Newfie ones. Only dummer. Who says you can't play soca on the bagpipes?

But I suppose I can't blame the English for feeling a little bitter. And I hate to think how angry they're going to be when they discover that the Scots invented the beautiful English game! I wouldn't be surprised if they separated.

So I hereby announce that next time I really will be cheering for England. I'm half English after all (sob) And besides if I didn't my mum would kill me.

On the other hand, as a Canadian , the Stanley Cup playoffs are another story. That's even more complicated. I'm cheering for Edmonton until the series is tied. Then I'm going to have to do some serious thinking.

I mean Albertans have such swollen heads. Imagine what they would be like if they won the Stanley Cup? Imagine how big they'd have to make their cowboy hats. Maybe I should be cheering for Carolina. To spare the rest of Canada from such an ugly sight.

Or maybe not. (sigh) I'll probably do exactly the same thing as I'm doing by cheering for England at the World Cup. And feel exactly the same way about it. For exactly the same reasons.

Well done England. Scotland and the rest of Canada forever! Soca Warriors you were magnificent.


Go Edmonton go! (sob)

Klown Firemen and the Terrorist Fire














Can you believe these ReformCon Klowns? First they light a fire by making sure that just about everyone in the United States knows about the wannabe terrorist arrests. Like it was some kind of publicity stunt to get a pat on the back from Chimp Bush.

"Media advisories were put out to all the major agencies, CNN, Fox News, the whole bit. I even received an e-mail through the governments Connect2Canada e-mail list detailing the operation..."


Then they fan the flames just so President Harper can make political points out of it on the Government of Canada propaganda site

Now that the fire is a raging inferno threatening to consume us all, they're desperately trying to put it out like firemen klowns by
pissing on it. Good luck. Is that a neo con nerd wanker weenie roast or what?

But look there's our ambassador now...















Would you trust this man with a box of matches?Do you find him reassuring? Hmmm...I didn't think so. And I don't think the Americans will either. The damage is done. Millions of yankee tourist dollars have gone up in smoke.

Maybe President Harper can bribe even more voters this summer by offering a cash prize for anyone who spots an American tourist. And rescue some cheap political points out of the smouldering ruins of this disaster.

Look..... I realize that these Conservative clowns are sometimes pretty funny. With their wacko right-wing policies...you know like the childcare program that isn't for children. Or the way they remade Killing Kyoto into a comedy starring Rona Ambrose. Or call the softwood lumber pact a deal instead of a surrender.

Then there's the way the Tory seals behave in Parliament. Barking out rude comments or making obscene gestures with their flippers.

And of course Stephen Harper's flattering, oily imitation of Chimp Bush is still the best comedy show in town. We Canadians do need a good laugh. But we can't have fun all the time.

Unless we give these Conservative klown firemen the hook. And make it snappy. They'll burn our whole house down.

I don't think we can afford to wait until Harper's planned fall election. If we can't take away their matches.

I say impeach them now.

Or be prepared to piss a lot later...

Ayatollah Sistani's hollow little fatwa

When I first saw that a group of Muslim clerics in Montreal had called a newser to issue a fatwa against homegrown terrorism at first I was delighted. I figured what the hell? Why not fight fire with fire? Then I saw who the fatwa was from. And I almost vomited.

Turns out the guy who fired off the fatwa is none other than Grand Ayatollah Ali Sistani, who late last year issued a fatwa calling for gays to be killed "in the worst and most extreme way." Then he changed his mind and said that only lesbians should be punished. But by then he had lots of gay blood all over his holy hands. The blood of children too...

Hmmm......how much is a fatwa from someone like that worth? I'm sure it's worth something. But not very much. It rings a little hollow. The only fatwa that might impress me is one that declares that violence, hatred and anti-gay bigotry are not the Muslim or Canadian way.

But I'm not holding my breath for that one. It would be like waiting for the Blogging Tories to stop promoting hate. After all the stuff I've read recently aimed at natives, muslims, and gays, that just isn't going to happen. Check out this latest example.

Isn't that nice? Not content with bashing the living, now they're going after our poor dead brothers. I suppose they're free to be as vile as they want to be. But they're not going to get away with rewriting history.

The reason so many gay men died of AIDS in the United States (and in Canada to a lesser extent) was because right-wing governments didn't lift a finger to help and educate people until it was too late. Those brothers didn't just die of AIDS. They died of ignorance and bigotry as well. A whole generation was lost because of that. That's why this generation bashes back.

But I don't expect these ReformCons to understand that. The neo con nerds are too busy reading Ann Coulter's book under the bedsheets. Giggling, gasping and whacking off. That's why they call them crazy nerds. And why bigotry sells.

As for the ReformCon MPs they're busy turning the Canadian Parliament into a Monkey House. Or a bizarre version of the Reichstag. Before it was burned down. What's next klown costumes and billy clubs?

Make no mistake about it. The troops are restless. The Conservatives are preparing for a Fall election. The buzz is all over town.

And the greatest threat to Canada as we know and love it is not a bunch of homegrown wannabe terrorists.

But what could happen if a man like Harper, and the many homegrown religious wingnuts and bigots who support him, ever get a majority.

You want a fatwa?

Fatwa that one dude....

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Terrorist Hysteria and the Lessons of SARS

Ok ok. I know I said I was going to stay away from this alleged terrorist conspiracy story.Do my part to try to chillout the mass hysteria. Before we lose all our chicken feathers. Or start pecking each other apart.

But now even Antonia is under attack. And it's not a pretty sight. Something is terribly wrong.

Not only is she apologizing for going overboard (gasp) she's sending sweet kitty cards to that pitbull Christy Blatchford. Oh my God! Somebody has got to save her from herself!

I mean I'm glad she apologized for the Kristallnacht reference. Whatever Blatchford is, she isn't a Nazi. Although she did go overboard. But then so has just about everyone else. The media, the government, the police, the lawyers, Muslim community groups, and of course the crazy right-wing bloggers. Is Antonia trying to make everyone look bad by apologizing? Who does she think she is? The one-eyed woman in the kingdom of the blind?

Seriously though, far too much information has been leaked and hyped. Hyped by the government to try to impress the Americans. Hyped by the media to try to scare up readers and viewers. A few days ago some media outlet rented some vans and parked them near some of the alleged targets the suspects were planning to bomb. Imagine what the people who work there thought about that? And then there was the Globe scaring the shit out of the suits on Bay Street.

Like we had no idea that bombs and glass towers are a bad mix...

The problem with scaring people is that it usually backfires. The Americans now consider us a terrorist breeding ground. Question: How many American tourists do you think that's going to send our way this summer? Answer: just about as many as the SARS epidemic did. Remember that one? The one where we staged a big concert to remind people all over the world that we were SARS City. Woo hoo. Y'all come and visit us ya hear?






So they didn't. Surprise, surprise.
It's taken this city years to recover.



Now the same people who organized that concert are planning some kind of mega-show to tell the world that we're not afraid of living in a Terrorist Enclave. Huh? Is that dumb or what? How are we going to welcome the dozen or so Americans who dare to turn up --despite our high dollar? With one of these nifty suits?












And signs saying "Don't Worry. We're not afraid. So you shouldn't be either?" Mama Mia. Some vacation. If they wanted that they could have stayed in Amerika.

Hmmm ...... I think we should all take some deep breaths, or have lots of sex, or barbeque up a storm, or whatever Canadian thing it takes to chillout. Because one thing is for sure: if we keep this terrorist fever going, it's going to be a bummer of a summer. West Nile fever is bad enough.

As for those poor suits on Bay Street, who, thanks to the Globe, must be having all kinds of nightmares about flying glass (along with poor Antonia) I guess they can be excused it they start acting like these depraved suits in Britain.

In fact I almost wish they would. We couldn't buy THAT kind of publicity.

Talk about defying the terrorists. Banking and breakdancing in those shiny glass towers. Wow. How inspiring. And all that naked stuff wouldn't hurt either. Give this tightass city a whole new image. Sex and danger is such an intoxicating mix. Like doing it in the backseat of daddy's car.

After all the damage we've done to ourselves. If that doesn't bring back the tourists.

Nothing will....

Monday, June 12, 2006

Immorality and anti-gay bigotry

A few years ago when I was still a teenager and went to the recruiting office to sign up for the gay conspiracy, it all came down to a skill testing question. "Simon," said the examiner, "do you know what a faggot is?"

"Of course I do," I said. " It's a rude name for a gay guy, just like nigger, frog, or Paki. I never use words like that."

"Yes, yes," said the examiner looking at me like I was an idiot. "That's obvious. But that's only the prejudice you can hear or see."

"What a naive young fool like you needs to remember is that a faggot is a gay guy who just left the room. Never forget that, and you'll never be disappointed..."

At the time I thought that the guy was being a little too pessimistic and bitter. But after reading this poll now I'm not so sure. I thought I had no illusions. I can even see the bright side. Blasphemy is a real problem in Canada. But I'm still disappointed. And really angry too.

So one out of every three Canadians thinks that homosexuality is immoral. And I bet you it's higher than that. When people answer polls like this one they usually give the questioner what they think the questioner wants to hear. So it's probably more like fifty per cent. Between one out of three and one out of two Canadians thinks we're born immoral. Wow. Isn't that nice?

Add that to a recent poll showing that sixty percent of Canadians believe that if an employee reveals they are gay it will hurt their careers. And another poll showing that 60 percent of Canadians are disturbed by the sight of two men kissing. And you can see what a problem we've got.

I wonder where that filth comes from? You don't think it's just another example of the poison called religious bigotry?

You know religion that kills.

It sure does explain a lot of things though. Why our long struggle for justice and equality has taken so long.Why our issues aren't taken seriously in the media or even the blogging world. Why so few of our so-called straight friends ever lift a finger to help us. Why the bullying and the bashing goes on and on. And why in the end we can only really count on ourselves.

When you break down the poll there are other disturbing revelations. Like the fact that it's not just old people who think that Canada is a really immoral country. Many new immigrants do too. Think we're godless and unclean. But we'll leave that for some other time. Along with the discussion about what it really means when so many Canadians feel so strongly about the immorality of extra-marital sex or blasphemy.

Actually, maybe we can leave that one for the day they put out a poll on hypocrisy. I can hardly wait to see those scores. I bet we'll all do really well.


But right now I just want to congratulate this year's graduating class of young gay recruits.

I want to encourage them to fight really hard while they still can. Before the battle for our human rights against the filthy bigots of this world is finally over. And we finally win.

Until that happy day always remember what a faggot is.

And what happens when you leave the room...

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Harper's Head and the Mark of the Beast

Whew! It's just past midnight. It looks like we're going to make it after all. I didn't know what was going to happen. Yesterday I was shaken up by my brush with almost terrorism. Today I had to worry about the Mark of the Beast and the Anti-Christ. Boy don't we live in dangerous times!!

Speaking of marks....I'm going to have to give the dumbos in the media a C- for the way they turned the wouldbe terrorists story into a plot to behead Harper. That's absurd. President Harper has so much security these days he's the safest person in Canada. He doesn't ride the subway. He rides in an armoured limousine. You'd need an aroured division to get anywhere near him. Not a bunch of young hot heads who would order three tons of ammonium nitrate just like you'd order a pizza. They sound more like klowns than terrorists. Will that be with or without detonators? Duh....

I'd laugh it off. Except for the political repercussions. In his Globe column today Lawrence Martin talks about the "fear card" and how Harper is sure to play it. And sounds a useful warning:

"When the fear card is dealt to those in power the chances of overreaction appreciably augment. The tragic Iraq adventure is but one example. How many new terrorists have been spawned as a result of the deaths of thousands there can only be guessed."

Making Harper the focus of this terrorist plot can only make things worse. It's bad enough that he's posing as an American President. If he starts acting like a War President, like Chimp Bush did after 911, then we'll really be fucked.

I don't like this idea either. Although this t-shirt is kinda cute. But why waste any time or effort on this terrorist nonsense, when summer is so short? Just putting on a t-shirt and marching off to some kind of rally like a bunch of boy scouts would make me think that those terrorist wannabes had won. I suggest we leave the police and intelligence services to do their jobs. Get a grip on ourselves. And just go on with life. If you really want to say you're not frightened that's the way to say it. And still have fun!!

Besides a t-shirt is just too easy. If we really have a homegrown terrorist problem in Canada , fixing it is going to take a lot more than that. We're going to have to take a long hard look at our society. And the way we integrate immigrants. And maybe even debate whether multiculturalism is a great idea, or a tragic mistake.

But that's for some other day. Tonight I want to report that while the world didn't end. I did find the Mark of the Beast. Forget about the threat to Harper's head.
I found this head in Satan's little playground .....Iraq.

Just another reminder that religion kills. That religious extremism is the Mark of the Beast. The curse of our world.

And that fear is its little demon brother. The only thing that can drive us crazy.
The only threat that can defeat us.


Except of course for the AntiChrist....

Has anybody ever checked the top of this guy's head?



Monday, June 05, 2006

My Close Encounter with Ground Zero










It's hard to believe the corner of Front and John streets in Toronto could have been Canada's Ground Zero. One of the places the the alleged wouldbe terrorists were apparently planning to bomb. Along with the House of Commons. I don't know if it's true. But it did send a shiver down my spine.

You see I figure if a really big bomb went off at this intersection it would demolish the building the CSIS offices are in. Destroy most of the largely glass CBC Broadcast Centre across the street. Bring down at least half of the Toronto Convention Centre. Shatter the glass tower of the Bank of America. Seriously damage the CN Tower, and collapse the nearby walkway to the Rogers Centre stadium that's usually jammed with tourists. As is the whole area.

And as if that wasn't bad enough it would also take out my favourite hot dog stand. Behind the dark van on the right.

Can you believe it? When I'm in Toronto I usually stroll past this corner five or six times a day. Taking the slow way to work or just grabbing a bite. As I did today. Except that today I had a dreadful thought. What if I was eating a hotdog when the bomb went off? Just as some tourist was snapping a picture. And they found the camera in the rubble. And they enlarged the picture and made it part of the permanent Memorial to Canada's Victims of Terror. And there I'd be, immortalized for all time on some dreadful crypto fascist monument. With a stunned look on my face. And a hot dog in my mouth. (shudder)

Now I realize the chances of that happening are pretty slim. But it's like my close encounter with almost terrorism. It can't help but make you think of your mortality. One moment you're here. Kaboom. One moment you're not. So I can understand why some people might be shaken up. But nothing can justify the torrent of hysteria and hate coming from the ninny right-wingers. You can read about it here and here and here. Or take it straight from the horse's ass.

It's shameful stuff. Not only are these hideous right-wingnuts disgracing our country by trying to whip up hatred against the entire Muslim community.But they are betraying Canada as well, by seeking to destroy its values of tolerance and diversity; the very pillars of our strength. And by acting like a cowardly bunch of surrender monkeys. If they're acting like this now what would they be like if a real bomb went off? Rabid mice?

Don't they understand that when faced with the threat of terrorism we have to stay united, calm and unafraid? And just carry on like the people of London did after their transport system was bombed. With Fuck you Osama t-shirts and stuff like that. And by at least pretending they were not afraid. To do anything else is to give the terrorists what they want.

But of course these ridiculous right-whingers don't understand that. Like the terrorists they hate our tolerant and diverse society. Like the terrorists these wackos would rather create an an ocean of fear. And swim in it like sharks. Like Chimp Bush did after 911. And just look what he's reduced to now. From swaggering bully king to pathetic bully coward. Waging war on some of his own people. As is Stephen Harper. Although funnily enough I can't find anything about the same-sex vote on the ReformCon website Wonder why?

But we should not make the same mistake again. We should act like Canadians instead. We should wait to see what the evidence is before we jump to conclusions. We should give our police and intelligence services the encouragement and support they need to do a professional job. We should reach out to our Muslim friends and neighbours, and reassure them we're all in this together.

And of course we should just carry on. Just like I am. The only threat that worries me is this winged one I think we can all agree on that.

So I'll just keep strolling past the corner of Front and John, just like I always do.






In fact, I think I'll spend even more time there when I can. Chatting up the tourists and making them feel like they're visiting a safe and friendly place. Where we are too busy having fun and celebrating our glorious mix of cultures to worry about crazy cowardly terrorists. And their right-wing siamese twins.

Fuck you Osama! I'm still taking the slow way to work!!

Although I probably won't be eating quite as many hot dogs. I'll tell the poor hot dog guy (whose dreams of a Florida vacation will be shattered) it's doctor's orders.

But you'll know better...



Sunday, June 04, 2006

Who's the biggest threat to Canada?

These crazy religious fanatics......















Or this fake President of some Canadians....














Hmmm...I thought so. Even a fake President should know better than to declare war on his own people. Just to pander to the bigotry of his religious wingnut base. Or try to tap into the ethnic vote. What a way to welcome immigrants to this country by teaching them it's OK to hate.

Harper isn't just debasing Canada. By attacking its values of tolerance and diversity, he's setting forces in motion that could one day tear it apart. And just for cheap political gain. What a President. What a Con game. Fuck the future. Winning now is all that counts.

Meanwhile on the not so sure we're winning front..... I see we're handing over prisoners to the Afghan Army. So one out of three of them can be beaten or tortured. I know that sounds a little harsh and un-Canadian. But it's probably progress. Once it was three out of three. And not just beaten, and tortured. Executed too.

Besides after what happened today we really do need to know if they're planning to bomb the CN Tower. Or the Hooters down the street. Or just want to emigrate to Canada, join the ReformCon Party, and launch a jihad against gays.

They used to crush gay men under brick walls. And force women to stay at home. So I'm sure they'll naturally gravitate to this medieval group.

As for that other homegrown terrorist threat, all I can say until I know more, is that it sounds like good old police work.

But as for Harper's foul war on Canadian gays and lesbians I think the last word should go to Cathie.

Yup. That's the kind of fighting words I love. The kind of righteous anger we need to stop these hatemongers in their tracks, And save our beautiful country.

What's the use of fighting the Taliban for a free Afghanistan?


When the Canadian Taliban are trying to take our own precious freedoms away.

Right here at home...

Saturday, June 03, 2006

The Klown Klan and the gay marriage vote

Sebastien called me with the shocking news. President Harper had just announced there would be a vote on gay marriage in the fall. Sebastien was so excited he could hardly talk. Even in Saguenay French!! He's happy that we don't have to wait any longer. That the fight is finally on. I'm sure a lot of gays and lesbians feel that way.

But as for me I must admit I was crushed. I know I should have seen it coming. Monkey bigot see monkey bigot do. But I was planning to goof off all summer. Now I'm going to have to head for the trenches again to defend gay marriage from the wingnut hordes. And I don't even want to get married!!!

But of course I'll do my duty. It's more than about marriage. It's about human rights and respect. Or more plainly put: It's about keeping the dirty, bloodstained paws of the life denying, religious wingnut hordes off our bodies and out of our lives. So we can live and love in peace like everyone else.

Although this wingnut club has been walking on all fours for a while. And so has it's leader Patsy the Pitbull cross(over) Don't you just love Patsy's rainbow tie? Or how about the wingnuts Garth Turner went after? Aren't they something special?

Boy will that part be fun. Poking a stick at these homophobes until they spew foam out of every orifice. And show what the ReformCon party is really all about. Didn't someone warn our fake President never to open Pandora's Box?

Oh I know that some people, a lot of people, think it's a brilliant move.
That Harper just wants to get it out of the way. Losing the vote so he can win a majority. After this poll. I suppose anything is possible. When 70 percent of Canadians don't trust you with a majority, maybe it's time to start asking why. And jettison the social conservative baggage (i.e. the hidden agenda) that is obviously weighing you down.


I'd like to believe that. But I don't. I think Harper's too much of a socon himself to shaft his wingnut base that much. If he wanted to do that he could have held a vote now. Instead of giving the wingnuts a whole summer to pressure and threaten MPs.

In fact ,I think he'll surprise people and introduce a civil union package. And carry that into an election. The wingnuts would vote for it, just to take the word marriage away. And a lot of other Canadians might think they can support that -- even though that would be just another example of that racist mantra: separate but equal.

Make no mistake about it. This vote, whatever the question, whatever the outcome, is the most shameful act in Canadian Parliamentary history. When a government moved to take away the human rights of a minority. And a yankee loving President turned our beautiful Canadian House of Commons into the Bigot House of the Klown Klan. No gay or lesbian Canadian will ever forget or forgive that. I know I won't.

I also know that the wingnuts will use the summer to whip up hatred against gays and lesbians. There will be more attitude and dirty looks to put up with, more bullying, more bashing. Many will be hurt some may even be killed. During Harper's little summer of hate. But that won't stop us either.

None of us will ever stop fighting for our rights to be equal, and live and love in peace and respect. Many of us have been forced to do that all our lives. Fight for the rights other Canadians take for granted. Defend ourselves from the bullying, and the bashing and all that other crazy hate.

We don't have the U.S. dollars or the American right wing organizers the wingnut groups are deploying to try to strip away our Canadian rights. We've got nothing compared to them. But because we're gay and lesbian we do know how to fight.

So Sebastien is right. I should be ashamed of myself for complaining about not being able to goof off this summer. Not when I have a chance to fight for a cause like that. Against an enemy like this. Heck I'd pay to be gay to do that.

Besides I do want to be invited to the victory party...

So while I do intend to goof off for a little while longer. After that it's war.

Get ready my little wingnuts. Fucking with my rights is bad enough.

Fucking with my summer is unforgivable....

Didn't anybody warn them about that?