Wednesday, May 30, 2007

The Queen, the Poodle, and the Corgie Meatball













One more good reason to get rid of the monarchy. It seems the English Queen really hates Tony Blair. Not because of the great issues of the day. But because he stopped her aristocratic friends from tearing foxes apart..... for fun.

The Queen is said to be vexed by a number of Labour’s policies – in particular its ban on fox hunting. Farmer John Daw said that when he met the Queen after the foot-and-mouth crisis five years ago he told her he did not think Mr Blair understood the countryside, to which she replied: “I know. I tell him that every week when I see him.”

Poor old Tony. Between the daily disaster in Iraq and being nagged every week by the dotty old Queen for annoying her lordy lords, squires and other twits....I wonder what drove him batty first? Probably the latter.

Bush's God told him to go to Iraq so what can a poodle do? But the country folk have been kicking up such a fuss you'd think they'd been told they can't fuck their relatives anymore.

And can you believe it? With all the problems facing Britain her idiot majesty is obsessed with the ban on fox hunting? And how disgusting. As if tearing a fox to pieces for sport wasn't absolutely obscene.












But maybe Granny Windsor would understand that better if instead of the hounds we used a pack of pitbulls. And instead of the fox we substituted one of her beloved Corgis....

And then after its horribly painful death we chopped it up into little pieces. And made it into a tasty Corgi Pie.

Oh wait....damm...somebody already did.















A British performance artist has eaten part of a corgi - the breed of dog that is the favorite pet of Queen Elizabeth II - to protest the alleged mistreatment of animals by the royal family.

Mark McGowan set up a table on a London street Tuesday and dined on what he said was the meat from a corgi in hopes of drawing attention to media reports that Prince Philip, the queen's husband, had beaten a fox to death during a hunt.


OMFG! A performance artist. The Queen's favourite dog turned into a Corgi meatball. And Yoko Ono too? What more can I ask for? Except hope that this little dream of mine could come true....

The one where her Majesty is at a lavish banquet in Canada, and I'm masquerading as a French chef modelled after Chef Dion. And I replace the boeuf bourgignon with a succulent looking Corgi roadkill stew....and serve it to her.

And after she's finished gobbling it up I sidle up to her and ask her: "Did you like our Canadien speciality madame your majhostie? And when she says " yes but what WAS it pray tell? I've never tasted ANYTHING quite like it since Burma in 1955...and it was MONKEY."

I get to say "it was Corgee Casserole..... We cook it in its skin and chop ze doggie up afterwards...its Canada's favourite deesh...except in Quebec where we prefer meat of horse.....stewed in its own blood. Bloody good as you blokes say....you come chez moi... I make you some..."

Then as the Queen vomits into one of her large and ridiculous hats...and the real Chef Dion comes running out of the kitchen screaming "Ooh la la quelle desastre ....I'm going to keel myself!!!!

I reach into the bottom of the Corgi Casserole...pull out what's left of the dog's head and lay it gently on a silver platter in front of her.

And then moon her while shouting " Down with the Monarchy. Vive le Canada Libre!!!"

After that I'm quite sure Betty wouldn't want to be Queen of Canada anymore. Which would be a good thing.

Because let's face it. A country with an English Queen obsessed with the oafs in the English countryside and fox hunting isn't much of a country.

Until we get rid of this ridiculous monarchy. Or until the poor eat the whole bloody lot of them. Except for Prince Harry....

Canada will be just a colony...and the joke is on us...

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

George Bush and the Lost War in Iraq












He was there to lay a wreath at the tomb of the unknown soldier. But as he stood there looking old and shrunken George Bush might as well have been burying his dirty little War in Iraq. The signs of defeat are everywhere.

He's still calling for more young Americans to die in Iraq. So the lives of all those other young Americans already dead have some meaning.

"They know that one day this war will end, as all wars do. Our duty is to ensure that its outcome justifies the sacrifices made by those who fought and died in it."

So he doesn't have to tell the ones who loved them that they died for nothing. Even though they did.

So Bush can lie again and pretend they died for freedom. When of course they didn't.

The last time an American soldier died or fought for our freedom was World War II. That is the plain fact and the plain truth. To say that any soldier since World War II fought or gave up his life in order that we might enjoy our freedom is a horrible mistake in reasoning.

But in Iraq.... three more dead American soldiers and it will be the bloodiest month of the year. And in Baghdad...as Iranian mortars explode in the Green Zone...the U.S. is now so desperate it's sitting down with the Axis of Evil.

That thinks it has the Great Satan where it wants it...

The gathering congressional mutiny against a long-term American military commitment has convinced Iran’s hardliners that their strategic goal – a US humiliation in Iraq that would render it impotent throughout the Middle East – is in reach.

That's why Dick Cheney is so angry and so dangerous.

While out in bandit country even Delta Company is losing its legendary resolve.




“I thought: ‘What are we doing here? Why are we still here?’ ” said Sergeant Safstrom, a member of Delta Company of the First Battalion, 325th Airborne Infantry, 82nd Airborne Division.

“We’re helping guys that are trying to kill us. We help them in the day. They turn around at night and try to kill us.”


“I don’t want any more of my guys to get hurt or die,” he continued. “If it was something I felt righteous about, maybe. But for this country and this conflict, no, it’s not worth it.”

When the soldiers start thinking it ain't worth it. And the generals don't think it can be done. And the Iranians stand to win whatever happens. And the American people don't want the war to go on and on.

This one is over before it's over...the die is cast. The truth hurts. The war is lost. The troops will come home sooner rather than later.

The only thing that remains to be determined is how many more young Americans will die. For nothing.












Before the madness ends...

Monday, May 28, 2007

Missing Sébastien and the Monsters in Moscow
















Rain rain go away. Sébastien Sébastien come home again.

I'm trying to be a little more mature about his latest dangerous overseas assignment than I normally am. But it isn't easy. Especially when you're stuck in an empty bunker all afternoon watching the rain come down. Then I really miss him.

Although, if I can't be with him, I wish I could have been in Moscow today fighting the dirty fascists who attacked a peaceful gay rally.

Russian police detained gay protesters calling for the right to hold a Gay Pride parade in central Moscow on Sunday while nationalists shouting “death to homosexuals” punched and kicked the demonstrators.

Like this cowardly little neo-nazi who attacked Peter Tatchell.











I would have snapped his scrawny neck like a twig...after breaking both his arms. I mean can you believe it? In a country where more than 20-million people were killed by the Nazis they don't shoot scum like him on sight.

But then as Tatchell says:

"There is no rule of law in Moscow. The right to protest does not exist. This is not a democracy."

So much for the New Russia. It's just a stinking fascist state aided and abetted by that syphilitic sore on the face of humanity: organized religion.

"As I left the police station with several other released Gay Pride marchers, we were pelted with eggs. Some of us were violently attacked by a man dressed as a Russian Orthodox priest and by several neo-Nazis."

While the police did nothing.

And if you think Canada doesn't have its share of religious freaks and sicko homophobes...just read some of the comments.

How refreshing, the Russians are just saying 'no' to those who are flaunting the GBLT lifestyle.

They were looking for trouble and they got exactly what they were looking for. Believe it or not many look at the Gay Pride parades as they would look at a parade by neo-nazis, not very favourably at all.

Homosexuals have a choice - disregard their lustfull sins and repent, or remain in your wicked lifestyles, and die an eternal death...

Compare that with what the young gay man in Moscow said.... blood streaming down his face.

“This is terrible but I am not scared. This is a pretty scary place, a pretty scary country if you are gay. But we won't give up until they allow us our rights...”

That's why we are the light and these religious freaks are the darkness. That's why we will win. That's why I am so proud to be gay....and belong to the Freedom Army.

I also want to say how grateful I am to the brave straight people... the members of the European Parliament and others.... who risked their lives today to support our cause.

And to Richard Fairbrass, from the British pop group Right Said Fred, who was on holiday in Russia, and joined the rally only to be bashed by the fascists.

I can only say how proud I am of them all. But as for Richard I can do more than that.

I can play one of his songs and dedicate it to all the brave people in Moscow today...gay and straight ... and if you don't mind to my gay hero as well...


That's why we're the light. That's why we're going to win.

We stand for love and human rights for ALL. They stand for hate.The fascists and the religious wackos will be SMASHED!!!

Carry on brothers and sisters.

Hurry home Sébastien...

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Hogzilla and the Amazing Battle of Kruger Park












When I first heard that an 11-year-old had gunned down a humongous Hogzilla in the backwoods of Alabama at first I was elated. I thought the monstrous porker Dick Cheney had been involved in another hunting accident....and had followed Jerry Falwell to Hog Heaven.You have to admit the resemblance is striking.

But then I was disappointed.

A pig the size of a hatchback has been reported shot dead by an 11-year-old boy using a pistol.

And then disgusted....


Jamison, an accomplished hunter who killed his first deer at the age of five.....said that he shot the animal eight times with a .50calibre revolver and chased it for three hours through hilly woods before finishing it off with a point-blank shot..

I wondered who was more dangerous the pig or the kid. Or whether it was a hoax

"That's not a pig, it's a dinosaur. No way that's a naturally-occurring hog. That, or the kid is 2ft tall."

If the story is true, it's hard to know what's more worrying, a 9ft pig or an 11-year-old serial animal killer with a deadly aim.

I don't know but I suggest we send the kid to Baghdad mounted on a giant porker...or Cheney... and see if that works.

But seriously that's why I prefer to hunt animals with a camera...













Even if it's just the swan in our pond.

Or these fearsome invaders...












The B-52s of flying poopers. Or the Animal Farm version of that old neocon nightmare and hallucination: the single mother on welfare...

But if you want to see a really amazing animal story you should check out this incredible amateur video of a fight between a buffalo herd, a pride of lions, and two alligators at Kruger National Park in South Africa.

And don't worry...it may not look good for a while....but baby gets away alive...



Isn't that amazing? There's something noble about about those big dumb creatures fighting back even though they're scared out of their tiny minds. Isn't that a magic moment when the prey turn on the predators?

Aren't I lucky to live in peaceful civilized Canada?














Now all I've got to remember is that if Stephen Harper and his ReformCons ever get a majority government they'll turn this country into a jungle...


If Dick Cheney gets his way he'll turn the world into a battlefield A world of predators and prey.

And the sooner we bring down those Hogzillas the safer we'll all be...

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Great Fat Leader's Stupid Burger Poll

Uh oh...fasten your seatbelts...this country is heading for The Abyss faster than I thought. I mean what can you say about a place where the political story du jour is Great Fat Leader's Burger Poll?

Some bloggers have had fun.

But the whole premise is absurd. Of course some Canadians would rather meet the Prime Minister than a mere opposition leader. You could declare a baboon Prime Monkey and some of them would still line up to shake its paw...and kiss it's shiny ass.

The question everybody should be asking is why didn't MORE of them want to meat Great Fat Leader?

Answer: because the idea of getting too close to creepy Harper....and listen to him rave about why he NEEDS a majority, as blood red hamburger juice runs out of both sides of his mouth, carving gullies in his pancake makeup, and splattering all over his tie and suit....is too horrible to contemplate.

And because it could be DANGEROUS....

Judging from his latest photo..one or two hamburgers could make the difference between bloating....and exploding...














But of course this burger poll isn't really a poll. The numbers are irrelevant. The whole thing is just the latest campaign by the PMO....through its blogging instrument Stephen Taylor...to try to make Stephen Harper appear more human.

You know....a guy who eats burgers....has coffee and donuts at Tim Hortons...and takes his kids to hockey games.

Instead of a psychopathic automaton and crazed policy wonk....incapable of any kind of warmth or empathy...who would turn this country into a mini-me Amerika...and a sinister police state.

So now that he has blown his chance for an early election we can expect to see Great Fat Ridiculous Leader hopping like a bloated toad from one event to another all summer long. In an increasingly desperate attempt to make him look half human.

Will it work? Don't make me laugh.

A lot of Canadians may be idiots...after all they put him in office. But now that they've had a good look at him many of them won't be fooled again.

They now know that whatever Harper and his hidden agenda pretend to be...a creepy nerd is a creepy nerd.

And the only time he'll ever sizzle is when Canadians throw him onto the grill of history.

Sizzle. Bitch. Burn...

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Isaiah Washington's Gay Video and the Scissor Sister Blues

















I see that Isaiah Washington's gay public service announcement is running tonight

I was really angry with him when he made his faggot comments. Not once but twice

Because it really burns me up when one oppressed minority group turns on another...instead of joining forces to fight the common enemy.

But I sure do LOVE these words...

“Words have power. The power to express love, happiness and joy. They also have the power to heal. When you use words that demean a person because of their sexual orientation, race or gender, you send a message of hate. A very powerful message. But we all have the power to demand better from one another and from ourselves. We have the power to heal and change the world by the words we use.”

So I also liked the video.

As minimal as it was.... How much time did he spend in front of a camera? Five minutes?

I also see by the comments on some big gay blogs that most of my brothers seem to think that it's just pure hypocrisy. And that he should shove that PSA video up his bigot ass.

But I don't.

I figure everyone deserves a second chance...or in his case a third. Especially if you're black...because as I said before they're the victims of bigotry just like us. And bigotry can fuck you up. Just look at me. If I hadn't had second....or fifth chances ....I don't know what I would have done.

And because if a kid, black or white or whatever, hears those kind of words it can only help build a more tolerant world for everyone. And if somebody says it's only because he HAD to because the fags made him do it blah blah blah...all the better.

Then the kids learn that when you play with fire you get burned. Which is also a good lesson.

So I forgive him.

The question is can I forgive these guys?












I’m not interested in singing about gay people... I wanted the music to be accessible. I don’t want to appeal to just a tenth of the population.

It’s not an issue. We’re not doing straight stuff. We’re just making music. Anyone can listen to this music and identify with it. If you take a band like Pansy Division, I hate that shit! Number one, it’s crap music and then it’s so going out of its way to be shocking and offensive and gay… It’s like, who cares?

Oh Mama Take Me Out. I'm getting the Scissor Sister blues!!!


Although he's right about Pansy Division. Songs like "Dick of Death" and "I Wanna Be a Slut," might be good in a gay bar just before Last Call. But their music really is crap.

So will I forgive the Sisters? Oh probably.

Here's their latest video....



Nope. Nothing GAY about that ...huh?


I guess the message is that if you're an artist it doesn't make sense to exclude anyone just because of who they are. It's better to include everyone. Why be a stupid niggah when you can be a star?

And if you make music why not make it so EVERYONE can dance?

Can't argue with that. As for poor Pansy Division....if they want to sing "Dick of Death."

Give me a chance to get REALLY drunk.


And they can sing it for me....

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Stephen Harper's Absurd Afghanistan Retreat













I have to admit that Stephen Harper and Hamid Karzai make a lovely couple. Like the Parson and the Peacock. Or the King and I. With Karzai playing the Yul Brynner role and Harper playing Anna....or Bush's Bitch.

Except in this version Anna has the money and the soldiers. The King of Siam wants them badly...especially the dough. And it's even MORE of a musical comedy!!!!!!

"I'm not here because of the polls. I'm here because it's the right thing to do."

Wow!! That is pretty funny. But not as funny as Karzai's line.

Karzai rejected the suggestion that any prisoners had ever been abused while in Afghan custody.

"Take my guarantee to the Canadian people on that," he said.

Which of course is absolutely hilarious.....But then this isn't really a comedy...it's a farce. Just like it wasn't really a visit. It was a retreat.

A strange new pattern of Canadian political behaviour is gaining momentum - when under heavy fire, flee to Kandahar.

Even though these trips are costing taxpayers millions...and are nothing but cheap photo-ops.

The highlight of the first day was Mr. Harper visiting the same school where two of his ministers had already posed for pictures on separate visits.

The only difference seemed to be that Mr. Harper gave the students pencil cases to put into the backpacks handed out by Ms. Verner.

I guess the next time he goes there he can give the poor kiddies pencils.So when the parents take the girls out of school at the age of twelve, they can put the pencils in a cup and sell them in the streets.....if their 80-year-old husbands let them.

What a joke. Just like this doomed mission itself. A Prime Minister who talks about stabilizing Afghanistan while he and his ReformCons try to destabilize Canada with a Book of Dirty Tricks. Paralyzing our government like fascists or Canadian Taliban.

Stephen Harper. George Bush. Richard Nixon.. the Peacock and his corrupt cronies and warlords....and of course the filthy Taliban and a cast of millions of other barbarians as extras.

Hmmm.....maybe it really is time to turn the Great Little War on Terror into a musical comedy. Or a song...




Ok....so it's a work in progress....

But I bet that guy doesn't believe the lies and the crazy stuff coming out of the White House.

Just like some of our soldiers don't go for Harper's bullshit either.

Scores of soldiers began filing out the moment the prime minister wrapped up his speech, until an officer ordered them to "get back inside."....And as soldiers waited for Harper's address, one master corporal muttered within earshot of CBC correspondent Paul Hunter that the rally was "a waste of a morning...."

So much for Harper's Army....

Oh yeah...Great Fat Chickenhawk Leader can be sure of TWO things: One....our troops WILL be out of that hellhole early in 2009.

And two.....him and his sinister Bush-loving ReformCons will be gone LONG before that ...reduced to a heap of smoking lies. Brought down by a crazy war just like the Chimp and the Poodle Blair.

Woohoo! Who needs the fucking King of Siam ?

When we can have THAT show....

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Lebanon, Bush, and the Sunni-Shia War













As the fighting rages in Lebanon...Robert Fisk dodges bullets and asks some disturbing questions. Who are these mysterious Sunni fanatics battling the Lebanese army? What are they up to and what does it all mean?

And who were the dead men I saw yesterday, perforated by bullets, partly torn open by grenades? Silent testimony is all we receive from the dead. One of them had big eyes above his fluffy beard, eyes which stared at us and at the police who jeered at his corpse. I wonder if they will not come to haunt us soon...

And Seymour Hersh provides an equally disturbing answer. The Saudis and the Bush regime are their backers.

"We're in the business of supporting the Sunnis anywhere we can against the Shia. ... "We're in the business of creating ... sectarian violence." And he describes the scheme of funding Fatah al-Islam as "a covert program we joined in with the Saudis as part of a bigger, broader program of doing everything we could to stop the spread of the Shia world...

In other words to curb the rising power of Iran, which it created by eliminating its traditional enemies Saddam and the Taliban...and by turning Iraq into a Shia Islamic Republic...and by allowing Israel to turn Hezbollah into Lebanese heroes...the Bush regime is not only taking sides in a religious war. It's actually encouraging it.

To divide and conquer in the name of oil.....and destroy the Shia Crescent.

If the Bush administration is successful in its current efforts to divide Islam by pitting Shi’ites against Sunnis it will revitalize the old colonial tactic of divide and conquer, and maintain the domination of the Middle East by authoritarian elites allied with the U.S. and the international energy industry..

But first they have to whack Iran. Remember that movie that had its release date delayed?












It's back in production and coming soon.

If Iran is to blame for EVERYTHING how long will it be before it is bombed?

Which will only unleash another wave of deranged terrorists upon us and make us more vulnerable rather than safer. Is that crazy or what?

Which reminds me...you know that story about the young woman who was stoned to death in Iraq that I wrote about the other night? In a post about that other religious fanatic Tony Blair.













Well now there's a video. If you can bear to watch it.

If not the clip from Hotel Rwanda just about says it all.

About the savagery human beings are capable of inflicting against each other in the name of religion or tribalism or whatever. And the dangers of turning one group against another. And setting the beasts of genocide loose.

When will we ever learn?

Monday, May 21, 2007

Fireworks Day and How to Keep Your Fingers











Holiday weekend in Canada...

In Quebec, where I come from, we call it Dollard Day. After the ill-fated seventeenth century French garrison commander Who went after the Iroquois...only to have the Iroquois come after him.

In English Canada, where I live these days, they call it Victoria Day. After the frigid English Queen.

If I had to choose between the two I'd choose Dollard. Not just because he lived and died here. And because people aren't quite sure whether he was a hero or a scoundrel. Which makes him more interesting...than a boring old colonial relic.

But also because.....I mean who would YOU choose?

Him?








Or her?













Ugh. Sorry Vicky I'll take Adam....

But luckily I don't really have to choose. Since I'm temporarily exiled in Toronto.... it's FIREWORKS DAY IN CANADA!!! Woohoo!
















I love Fireworks Day. Maybe because it's one of the few times you can really let her rip in peace order and good government Canada. Yawn.

Or maybe it's just because they remind me of sex. You know..... you have all those ooh and aah moments....that flare up and then subside. Only to culminate with the Grand Finale. Oooh aah...

And I don't just love the big fireworks show....I especially LOVE The Bunker's Annual Fireworks Fest and Drunkathon. When we all head down to the beach and fire off rockets into the lake.

But this year, alas, there are only two of us ...Farm Boy and me. And my plans for the our little Grand Finale...when we sprint from bottle to bottle trying to set off as many rockets at the same time...ran into a snag.

When Angus informed me that he couldn't light the fuses that fast. He's scared of rockets ever since one blew up in his face.....at a rube bush party.... and almost blinded him.

Which his friends can relate to...because they're still traumatized by the day when they were in the militia, and he tried to throw a grenade into a sand pit...

So anyway ....I thought I might try to rig up a firing system that would give him enough time to light the fuses and not only get away safely. But have a Jerry Falwell pork roast sandwich ....Lordy Lordy was that BIG PIG delicious!!

While he waited for the rockets to go off.....




Isn't that amazing? It's almost better than the fireworks show itself.

Which I guess also makes it like sex.

The Grand Finale may be the best.

But getting there is fun too. Just don't tell Jerry...he'd probably turn green....oh wait....he already has.

Maybe I should call it Dead Bigot Day.And buy another ton of fireworks.

Happy whatever you call it holiday everyone!!

Tony Blair, God, and the War in Iraq












In Iraq more than six thousand troops continue the search for three missing American soldiers. Even as more of them die For a war that is already lost.

The deaths raised to 71 the number of American service members who have been killed this month. In April, the total was 104.

A war where chlorine tankers are turned into deadly bombs. And gangs of men now arrive at the scene of a suicide bombing before the ambulances do. So they can strip mobile phones, watches, and money off the bodies of the dead and the seriously injured.

But when Tony Blair makes his last official visit to Iraq he has no regrets.

``There is violence and terrorism in Iraq, but what they are saying is that there is also hope and change....''

Even though mortars crash into a compound where he is meeting with Iraqi leaders.

And Basra is too dangerous to visit because the militias rule.











"If the Prophet Muhammad would come to Basra today he would be killed because he doesn't have a militia," a law professor told me. "There is no state of law, the only law is the militia law."

A ruined country. Hundreds of thousands of dead and injured. Millions of Iraqis living as refugees in exile. Millions of others living in fear at home. Hoping not to be blown to pieces while shopping for groceries...or walking to school. Hoping a death squad won't knock on their door. No sane person could ever conclude that there was any hope left in Iraq.

But Tony Blair does. Why? Because just like George Bush he believes that only God can judge him.

Explaining how he managed to live with the decision to go to war in Iraq, Mr Blair replied: "If you have faith about these things then you realise that judgement is made by other people. If you believe in God,it's made by God as well."

There have been persistent reports that Mr Blair joined the President in prayer for God's guidance at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, in 2002, at the summit at which many people believe a secret decision was reached to invade Iraq.

Isn't that great? These two religious fanatics get their god to give them the green light to invade Iraq. So now they must soldier on, in the face of earthly reality. Because after all who are they to doubt HIS wisdom?

Even as Iraq burns...more young soldiers die or are horribly wounded for NOTHING. Or less than nothing...a BIG LIE.

And in an Iraqi city a young woman is stoned to death.













While the security forces just look on.

A 17-year-old girl has been stoned to death in Iraq because she loved a teenage boy of the wrong religion

A large crowd watched as eight or nine men stormed the house and dragged Miss Aswad into the street. There they hurled stones at her for half an hour until she was dead

So much for the New Iran.....

In the name of fighting terrorists motivated by religious extremism, George Bush and Tony Blair invaded the only secular country in the Gulf region. And turned it into a hellhole of religious extremism. And a breeding and training ground for terrorists.

Because they believed their god was on their side.

Just like the monsters who killed that poor woman do. Just like Stephen Harper does...

Their bloodthirsty juju gods may forgive them. But I won't.

I'll just remember....

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Kathy Shaidle and the Tail End of a Rat

I have a confession to make. I read the Blogging Tories all the time, and I usually find it quite entertaining. Oh I know...it's the greatest collection of moronic cons, yankee blowing traitors, religious wingnuts, climate change deniers, racists, sexists and homophobic bloggers in the whole of Canada. And I know I shouldn't ....but I just LOVE it!

Just like I loved freak shows when I was a kid. I mean where else can you find Monkey Man, the Bearded Lady (Small Dead Animals), Dr Roy, and the Blue Lemon all on the same page?

But I rarely bother to take these zombies on. It would just be a waste of time. And to be fair most of their stuff is crazy .... but harmless. Just a bunch of angry old white men typing away in their pyjamas.

But every now and then a turd surfaces from that blogging sewer that is so foul and stinky it just can't be ignored. Like the one the twisted sow Kathy Shaidle squeezed out today. (Scroll down to the one called Falwell & the MSM (and gays, and 9/11)

Some of it is just dum.

Gays had already claimed the purple puppet, thanks to the triangle on his head and his purse.

Huh? Oh yeah I can see it now. All those gay guys getting up at 6 am on a Sunday morning to watch the Teletubbies....

















Some of it is just crazy.

Characteristically, gays were once again "reading" gayness into non-gay things (All About Eve, Johnny Guitar) while categorically denying the gayness of actual gays (like all those Catholic priests who molested teen and pre-teen boys -- never girls).

Wot? You mean the Nazi Pope ISN'T gay? Who the fuck is Johnny Guitar? And is the witch saying this latest outrage doesn't count?


Mark Falvey was accused of molesting four girls and five boys between 1959 and 1975 at Blessed Sacrament Roman Catholic Church in Hollywood.

"One of his victims, an 8-year-old girl, tried to commit suicide," said the lawyer for the victims....

And some of it is the foulest kind of bigotry.

I know Shaidle suffers from a terrible disease that can do horrible things to your body and your mind. That's why I've never criticized her before.

But when she says the following she crosses the line no person should ever cross...and expect to get away with it...

There's a reason homosexuality used to be classified as a mental disorder.

Does she know what was done to gay people when they were considered crazy? The castrations, the electric shock treatment, the brain surgery? You bet that twisted nazi does. She'd like it to happen again.Who do you think is REALLY crazy? You be the judge.

Had I been Falwell, I'd have said instead: "For once, let's give homosexuals, abortionists, radical feminists, the ACLU and the People for the American Way a hand, everybody. After all, this is the first major tragedy in the last 50 years that they had absolutely nothing to do with..."

Wow! I don't know what else that old rosary rubber is suffering from....but it's clearly spreading to her brain.

Which is of course no surprise to anyone who has ever read her dreadful "poetry."

My red clown nose keeps plopping off.

My wig's from the Fat Lady's trash.

I do it for the booze, and it's a job, although I sometimes wonder

what it is God wants with me.

The only thing alive in me's the tail end of a rat.....

Ugh. Vomit. God wants with HER? The tail end of a RAT? Doesn't that just say EVERYTHING about her twisted mind. If that's poetry I'm Shakespeare. No wonder that creepy old homophobe is so terribly BITTER.

But even though I'm an atheist I'm more of a Christian than she will ever be....so I don't want to be cruel. I just wish somebody would help her. For the sake of the Blessed Virgin who wasn't. For the sake of us all.

Will somebody........ anyone....PLEASE reach down between her legs, just behind her hairy balls, grab hold of the leathery tail....

And pull that nasty rat out of her hungry hole?

Thanks.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Stephen Harper and the Vampire Agenda
















Oh dear. What is happening to Great Leader? He's looking awfully pale. It can't just be his sagging poll numbers. It's gotta be his pancake makeup. It's not human enough. Or maybe it's just that his stylist/psychic has been too busy at the PMO Vampire Castle..... channelling Richard Nixon.

Opposition parties on Friday demanded the Conservative government make public a reported 200-page guidebook on how to create chaos in parliamentary committees.

The guidebook, reportedly handed out to selected Conservative MPs, offers advice on how to favour government agendas, select party-friendly witnesses, coach favourable testimony, obstruct debate and, if needed, storm out of committee meetings.

OMFG. Is this a government or the mob? Who needs the Sopranos when we got these thugs?

But now at least Stephen Harper and his evil yankee-like cons stand revealed for what they really are. Deranged fascist freaks.

"Right from the very beginning, Canadians observed and members of the media observed, that [Prime Minister Stephen] Harper had a kind of control fetish, that he just had to run everything all the time and there couldn't be one comma or one sentence or one word uttered without his personal approval and I think in part, it is a manifestation of that kind of absolute obsession with control."

I've warned before that Stephen Harper has a fatal character flaw. He thinks he's smarter than everybody. Now he knows better. Now he's blown it for them all. These dum socons thought he was their Messiah. But he was really their Anti-Christ. Muahahaha!

Now he won't be able to claim that the opposition is disrupting Parliament. Not when his ReformCons have a secret manual on how to PARALYZE it.

Now the Canadian opposition can really hurt them. Give them a taste of their own medicine. Now whatever the ReformCons say all the opposition has to do is repeat time and time again. Until the sun finally rises over Canada again. After the next election...

STEPHEN HARPER...GEORGE BUSH...RICHARD NIXON...DIRTY TRICKS.

And of course....the best one of all...HIDDEN AGENDA.

After this nobody in this country will believe they don't have one....















Can YOU believe it? These filthy SoCon fascists and homophobes who have disgraced our Parliament and our country have come up with the manual for their OWN destruction. Woohoo!

Pick up your baseball bats, mallets, and wooden stakes everyone...and move in for the kill. Time to show those neocon vampires that the sun always rises.

Isn't life sweet? Smack. Thud. Hammer. Ouch! Time to reclaim our beautiful Canada.

Isn't life fun?

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Stephen Harper and the House of Monkeys













If you want to know what kind of a jungle Canada would become if Stephen Harper ever won a majority, all you have to do is look at what his ReformCons are doing to our Parliament. Acting like fascists. Debasing it. Raping its traditions. Turning it into a Monkey House.

They think if they repeat a Big Lie Canadians are so stupid they'll eventually believe it. So they lie all the time. About everything.

They never answer a question all they ever do is attack.They're out of control

Deputy speaker Royal Galipeau — a Conservative whose parliamentary position makes him responsible for keeping the peace — charged over to Liberal MP David McGuinty in the middle of question period and launched a finger-wagging tirade.

Environment Minister John Baird strode to an open microphone in the Commons foyer and delivered a teeth-baring, unsolicited four-minute tirade accusing the Liberals of being sneaky, sleazy and underhanded — and various combinations thereof.

Throw the monkeys a banana. Can you believe John Baird?



















Is that ridiculous or what?

But of course that's just how Stephen Harper wants his Cons to behave. He has no respect for our Canadian democratic traditions. He wishes Canada was Amerika. And that he was President instead of Prime Minister.

That's bad enough. But when he allows his good old boys to make a mockery of Parliament on a question of human rights he's acting like a fascist.

They even have a secret guide on how to create chaos.

A secret guidebook that details how to unleash chaos while chairing parliamentary committees has been given to select Tory MPs...

How low can they go?

But surely by now most Canadians must finally realize that Great Leader has a deeply disturbing authoritarian streak. He's muzzled his caucus. He's muzzled the civil service. He's trying to turn the armed forces and the police against other Canadians. He accuses anyone who doesn't agree with him of being a traitor.

Surely by now most people must also realize that Stephen Harper isn't acting like a Canadian Prime Minister should. He's acting more like a tyrant in waiting. That this religious fanatic, with a hidden agenda to turn Canada into Amerika, isn't all THERE. Something is not quite right.

And that something in the PMO stinks like a rotten corpse.

You wonder when the tough guys in the Prime Minister's Office are going to realize that their intense partisanship, and juvenile tactics, could be hurting, rather than helping, their cause.....

You can bet more than one of Stephen Harper's ministers, and some of his brighter backbenchers, are worried, and occasionally embarrassed, by the sour vibe constantly emanating from the PMO.

They're embarrassed....we're disgusted. No fouler political formation has ever slimed our government.

But at least now we are forewarned. We have seen what these ReformCon thugs are really like. We know where Great Fascist Leader would take us.

We realize that if we don't do something about these monkeys. And do it quickly.

We're going to end up like the ferrets of New York City.....






I say we cage the fascist apes.

And release them somewhere faraway in Alberta or the United States.

Before it's too late.

And they cage us....

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Jerry Falwell and the Christian Taliban


















Ding Dong the wicked wingnut is dead! Scratch another dangerous American Taliban off the most wanted list. And not just any wingnut Taleb either. The Big Daddy of the homophobe hordes. The monstrous Christian Ayatollah himself Jerry Falwell.

Woohoo! Allah Akbar! Praise the Lord! If I wasn't an atheist I might think that there is a god. And SHE is good.

``I shudder to think where the country would be right now if the religious right had not evolved,'' he said when he stepped down as Moral Majority president in 1987

I on the other hand weep for the America that might have been if Falwell and his theocratic thugs hadn't come along and poisoned its soul. Recruiting Republican voters...helping the criminal neocons seize power. By preaching hatred against gay people.

"Unfortunately, we will always remember him as a founder and leader of America's anti-gay industry, someone who exacerbated the nation's appalling response to the onslaught of the AIDS epidemic, someone who demonized and vilified us for political gain and someone who used religion to divide rather than unite our nation.''

Who knows how much damage his crazy bigotry caused. Who knows how many violent homophobes he inspired. How many gay lives were lost. The hands of that porky christofascist were slippery with gay blood.

Despite his mongrel hatemongering and his wacko views about how liberals, feminists and gay people were responsible for every bad thing including 911. And his demented jihad against Tinky Winky. The chickenshit MSM always treated him with kid gloves.

They solicited his opinion on everything. They made this Christian Taleb sound respectable. The idiot Wolf Blitzer was bragging tonight about how many times he'd had him on his show.

Even though everything he ever said sounded to me like this.



Oh yeah...I'm not mourning his death. I'm celebrating it. Just like they are in San Francisco.

Just like I celebrated the long delayed departure of that other Taliban leader last week.The bloodthirsty psychopath Mullah Dadullah.

He liked to make videos of himself cutting the throats of innocent people...or beheading them. He mutilated and murdered his opponents who he called infidels. He murdered gay people. He liked to throw the first stone at women sentenced to death for prostitution.

He was a bloodthirsty beast.

But the thing we need to remember is that if Jerry Falwell's Christian Taliban ever came to power they would do exactly the same thing. A religious fanatic is a religious fanatic. A Taleb is a Taleb.

But now the Ayatollah is dead. Ding dong. And so is the Mad Mullah. And what is there left to say?

Except of course....














Two Taliban down.

So many more to go...

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The Bullied Boy and the Brave Little Dog













I did something today I've never done before. I went back and edited my last post. They didn't even have to sandblast it like some of my other stuff.
I censored it myself.

It wasn't something I said about any other person. Just something I said about me.

I thought I was being brutally honest and shocking. But it came out all wrong and vulgar. I would never treat anyone...even a married closet queen...that way. I'm no angel. But I know I'm better than that.

I was trying to sound tough and sexually ruthless, and I ended up sounding like a callous jerk. Sorry. I guess I'm still trying to figure out who I really am. Again.

I'm going to have to do that by myself for a while because Sebastien just left on another assignment. (sigh) Which won't be easy.

But I found a couple of little stories I read today really helpful.

One was the story about a poor bullied boy in Australia. It's supposed to have a happy ending.












But does it?

Now 18, Mr Cox is so traumatised and afraid of strangers that he spends his days alone at home playing computer games.

“He will never know the satisfaction of employment. He will suffer anxiety and depression for the rest of his life. He is unlikely to form any relationships. He has no friends and is unlikely to make any.”

The damage bullies do goes on and on and on...

And then there is the story of a brave little dog.

















"George was a very brave little dog, who almost certainly prevented severe injury, if not death, to at least one of the children."

The little fella didn't have a chance. But he took two brutish pitbulls with him. And helped make the world just a little bit safer. Even if they tore him to pieces.

Of all the stories I read today those two affected me the most. I wonder why? Or maybe I know. Maybe it's really simple.

Maybe to figure out who I really am ....all I've got to do is decide...really decide... who I relate to the most.

The bullied boy. Or the little dog?

They say some bully stories have happy endings.

I sure hope so...

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Scary Blow Jobs and the Attack of the Killer Puppies















Oh boy we live in such scary times. Where even the sight of a small plane buzzing harmlessly past the Toronto waterfront, can make you think of 911. Or at least the low budget, B-movie, made in Canada version.

And it's not just the threat of terrorism. There's global warming, the dirty air and the filthy water. If you get too much sun you get cancer...and if you don't get enough you get..... cancer. Toxic religious fanatics are everywhere. The honey bees are disappearing. Stephen Harper is Prime Minister. The pet food is poisoned.

And now the most devastating blow of all. Oral sex can be BAD for you?

Human papillomavirus (HPV) causes some throat cancers in both men and women, says a new study in The New England Journal of Medicine. And having multiple oral sex partners tops the list of sex practices that boost risk for the HPV-linked cancer.

Study participants who reported having more than six oral sex partners during their lifetime were 8.6 times more likely to develop the HPV-linked cancer.


And then there's the scary solution....which in my view is worse than the problem. i.e. having PROTECTED oral sex. Doesn't that sound like fun?

















Can't you just hear that sexy bedroom talk?

"Hey lover....What would you like to suck on tonight? A lemon flavoured rubber... peaches and cream .....mmmm.....yummy.... or would you prefer my LICKourice one?"

Hmmm....I don't know. I just can't see that one going down too well in the bedrooms and parks of the nation. It is a little hard to swallow. Although from what I hear some straight boys might be lucky if they EVER get sucked again. Now their honeys don't have to pretend to have a headache. Now they've got an EXCUSE.

Which is really bad news for those poor boys. But really good news for hookers.

The stimulation most men pay for is oral sex, according to research by Martin Monto, professor of social and behavioural sciences at the University of Portland. Eight out of 10 men asked about their sexual activities with a prostitute reported they'd received oral sex.

Something tells me the price of a humble blow job is about to go up.

Of course thanks to my gay brothers I don't have to worry about that...but I have to admit this latest bit of scary news almost drove me to my knees...in despair. I mean how much bad news can a person take? Before you hole up in your basement bunker and never come out? Or do anything pleasurable again? As in eat, drink, live free ....and fuck.

I decided I had to get away from it all. Find some quiet safe beach and chillout with my dog Kerouac. But it didn't work out that way. Even there danger lurked.

In the shape of a marauding pack of killer puppies....

I'd tell you all about it....but since everyone has to make their first YouTube...I thought I'd TRY to show you what happened instead.....




Can you believe that? Who let the doggies out? Is this world dangerous or what? Just when you think it's safe it bites you....or barks a lot.

But before you start building a bunker. Or stop having oral sex. Just remember that there are a lot of people out there trying to make you afraid of EVERYTHING.

Drug companies so they can sell more drugs. Right-wing governments who would fill us full of fear so they can "protect" us...by turning our country into a police state. Religious fanatics who drown us in hatred and guilt, so we give up on this life. And only think of the next one. Which of course doesn't exist.

So don't give them any satisfaction. Try to be like me and don't be afraid of ANYTHING.

Uh Oh...there come those killer puppies again.

Run Kerouac run!!!