I did something today I've never done before. I went back and edited my last post. They didn't even have to sandblast it like some of my other stuff.
I censored it myself.
It wasn't something I said about any other person. Just something I said about me.
I thought I was being brutally honest and shocking. But it came out all wrong and vulgar. I would never treat anyone...even a married closet queen...that way. I'm no angel. But I know I'm better than that.
I was trying to sound tough and sexually ruthless, and I ended up sounding like a callous jerk. Sorry. I guess I'm still trying to figure out who I really am. Again.
I'm going to have to do that by myself for a while because Sebastien just left on another assignment. (sigh) Which won't be easy.
But I found a couple of little stories I read today really helpful.
One was the story about a poor bullied boy in Australia. It's supposed to have a happy ending.
But does it?
Now 18, Mr Cox is so traumatised and afraid of strangers that he spends his days alone at home playing computer games.
“He will never know the satisfaction of employment. He will suffer anxiety and depression for the rest of his life. He is unlikely to form any relationships. He has no friends and is unlikely to make any.”
The damage bullies do goes on and on and on...
And then there is the story of a brave little dog.
"George was a very brave little dog, who almost certainly prevented severe injury, if not death, to at least one of the children."
The little fella didn't have a chance. But he took two brutish pitbulls with him. And helped make the world just a little bit safer. Even if they tore him to pieces.
Of all the stories I read today those two affected me the most. I wonder why? Or maybe I know. Maybe it's really simple.
Maybe to figure out who I really am ....all I've got to do is decide...really decide... who I relate to the most.
The bullied boy. Or the little dog?
They say some bully stories have happy endings.
I sure hope so...
5 comments:
hey simon!
'playing with the muses' often leads us to places we don't feel are 'us', yet at the same time it is 'us'....bit of a paradox, yes? depends which muse you are invoking and decide to go with....sometimes i actually channel myself :)
do you have to relate to relate to one of the stories the most to figure out 'who you really are? perhaps it's a matter of relating on different levels.....not more one then the other. in other words, 'i relate to this story because....' and 'i relate to that story because....'.
at any rate, good on the self edit...you are, after all, putting your words out to the public and while we all have good days/bad days, play with light and dark, blah blah blah, ultimatley it's our intent and purpose. if we put out negative, we receive negative and can do our spirit harm.
i am a bit concerned over the story of the boy.....not so much the circumstances themselves (which are the pits and horrible and all that) but what is encaptioned....because he is being set up for all those consequences. if he is told this is the end result, then he may believe that is the end result , as will others who read it and have the same circumstances inflicted on them.
so, why should anyone buy into that and set themselves up when there are CHOICES...such as working through things to become stronger? one can always reclaim one's strength/power.
that's where bully stories can have happy endings.....the 'victim' can choose to not act like a victim. not sure if i'm making myself clear, but there's many a person who has worked through their kaka and live fullfilling lives.
I can help you with "who you are".
How about regilous bigot, and hate criminal.
Perhaps sodomist probably as a result of childhood molestation by a family member or authority figure ie. priest, Scout leader.
??????
How's my guess Mount-ed-Royaly Simon ?
Hi Scout! yes you're right...as usual.:) I sometimes tend to reduce things down too much until they come out black and white. Maybe it's in my genes. When I was a boy one of heroes was Oliver Cromwell...so you can imagine...And I agree with you about the boy being written off at such a young age.I'm sure that if he is helped he can still become a happy person.
But I am glad to see bullying tacked in the courts because it sends out a message to parents as well as schools. Make sure your kid isn't a bully...or else....
Hello Blanks....no I'm afraid you can't help me. "Regilous bigot and hate criminal?" I'm afraid you got it backwards...it's you cross burners who are the religious bigots and the criminals. We're the victims of your juju nonsense and intolerance. And yes I was briefly fondled by a chaplin but it didn't bother me a bit...because I was practically unconscious. As for whether I'm a sodomist? I really don't know...you tell me...what did those hairy semites in the desert say about that as they fucked their daughters....and their camels? What I will confess is that your avatar does give me impure thoughts. It reminds me of hot cross buns....mmmm...let me guess...subliminal? Listen Bunsy
I don't care how many filthy coded messages you send me...to ride you to the top of Mount Royal and back again...the answer is still NO!!!
Now fuck off you dirty old man..
whats with blanks57 wanting you, simon? well, i mean, you are cute and everything....but lets face it, like you say, he ain't your type.
blank57, i htink the masonic lodges are good meeting spots for closet religious queers, along with knights of columbus and what not. i'm sure there's some good blogs that would help point the way for you.
After a long time wondering,I found myself actually.and You,Simon,should also find what u belong to.I don't actually catch what u meant through the two stories,maybe I am still poor in English.
As to Blanks……,u should be careful at the words you are gonna write.next time if so,u'll be fucked by the words.
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