Monday, May 21, 2007

Fireworks Day and How to Keep Your Fingers

Holiday weekend in Canada...

In Quebec, where I come from, we call it Dollard Day. After the ill-fated seventeenth century French garrison commander Who went after the Iroquois...only to have the Iroquois come after him.

In English Canada, where I live these days, they call it Victoria Day. After the frigid English Queen.

If I had to choose between the two I'd choose Dollard. Not just because he lived and died here. And because people aren't quite sure whether he was a hero or a scoundrel. Which makes him more interesting...than a boring old colonial relic.

But also because.....I mean who would YOU choose?


Or her?

Ugh. Sorry Vicky I'll take Adam....

But luckily I don't really have to choose. Since I'm temporarily exiled in Toronto.... it's FIREWORKS DAY IN CANADA!!! Woohoo!

I love Fireworks Day. Maybe because it's one of the few times you can really let her rip in peace order and good government Canada. Yawn.

Or maybe it's just because they remind me of sex. You know..... you have all those ooh and aah moments....that flare up and then subside. Only to culminate with the Grand Finale. Oooh aah...

And I don't just love the big fireworks show....I especially LOVE The Bunker's Annual Fireworks Fest and Drunkathon. When we all head down to the beach and fire off rockets into the lake.

But this year, alas, there are only two of us ...Farm Boy and me. And my plans for the our little Grand Finale...when we sprint from bottle to bottle trying to set off as many rockets at the same time...ran into a snag.

When Angus informed me that he couldn't light the fuses that fast. He's scared of rockets ever since one blew up in his a rube bush party.... and almost blinded him.

Which his friends can relate to...because they're still traumatized by the day when they were in the militia, and he tried to throw a grenade into a sand pit...

So anyway ....I thought I might try to rig up a firing system that would give him enough time to light the fuses and not only get away safely. But have a Jerry Falwell pork roast sandwich ....Lordy Lordy was that BIG PIG delicious!!

While he waited for the rockets to go off.....

Isn't that amazing? It's almost better than the fireworks show itself.

Which I guess also makes it like sex.

The Grand Finale may be the best.

But getting there is fun too. Just don't tell Jerry...he'd probably turn green....oh wait....he already has.

Maybe I should call it Dead Bigot Day.And buy another ton of fireworks.

Happy whatever you call it holiday everyone!!


  1. I call it Happy Utilikilt Day. Finally got UPS to quit being asshats and give me my damn new kilt.


    Hope you and yours don't get too hungover. :P

  2. whoa, that youtube was so awesome!!!!!! reminds me of mucking around with stuff as a kid after i discovered the game 'mousetrap'

    as for dead bigots.....why don't we just declare a may long weekend and call it 'whatever day' ?

  3. That was so cool!

  4. Hi Jay!! Happy Kilt Day too! Just's still chilly up here...and it's absolutely FORBIDDEN to wear anything underneath. :) As for the firworks party it was a bit of a bust...because it was friggin cold on the beach. Oh well year in Montreal!

    Hi Scout! Yeah happy whatever day. I just want MORE of them!! This country doesn't have enough holidays...I blame it on the Scots...who brought their pious workaholic ways to this country...and ruined it for all of us. Although I have to say where I come from in Scotland EVERYONE is lazy...and so am I!!! :)

    Hi JJ I'm glad you liked the video. I thought it was pretty neat. Although maybe I should have added a caveat...kiddies please DON'T try that at home. Uh oh.. :)