Well, as you know, I've been having fun with this one for years.
But today I'm really laughing my you know what off eh ?
Because now I know for sure that Mike Duffy really wanted to be a Minister.
Six months after he was appointed to the Senate, Mike Duffy was in consultations with Conservatives about an expanded role in the party and increased compensation, including his own suggestion he be named a minister without portfolio to get a car and staff, according to an email exchange obtained by CBC News.
I told you he was desperate. I told you he was cracking up.
And that it wouldn't be long before The Beast would show its face.
Yesterday he was the human punching bag being pounded by the opposition.
Today Stephen Harper finally snapped, went off the deep end, and started calling the opposition criminals.
It was without a doubt the best Question Period I have ever watched.
The day Stephen Harper was finally forced to answer questions about the Senate scandal.
And was roasted like a chicken, or grilled like a criminal.
Golly. I'm sure Stephen Harper must look back fondly at the time when he had big plans for Rob Ford.
Those happy days when him and Big Boy could pose together under the logo of the Toronto police, declare they were for law and order, unlike the opposition who were for the criminals.
And Boss Harper could still dream that the Ford gang and the drooling rednecks of the Ford Nation, would deliver the bleeding head of progressive Toronto to him on a silver platter.
But sadly for him, that was then, and this is now.
He's spent the last week running from the media.
Refusing to answer questions about a video that shows him smoking crack with a bunch of criminals.
Then he gets to go on his own radio show and claim that there is no video, and the media are maggots.
It was another chilling moment in a story that just keeps getting more and more disturbing.
Doug Ford, Rob's big brother, turning to the camera this afternoon to say this to the editor of the Globe and Mail:
"John Stackhouse you are a disgusting human being...if you have a family if you have kids how would you like me to do some investigative reporting on you?
After the Globe published this story.
For eight days he turned Canada's largest city into a circus, and the laughing stock of the world.
For eight days he refused to answer any questions about whether he was caught on camera smoking crack and making racist and homophobic comments.
Only to emerge today, with his head shaved like Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypse Now, and deliver a short rambling statement.
OMG. What did I do to deserve this? So I can do it again, and again, and again.
Because this is just too good to be true eh?
As if that Con scandal in the House of Pork wasn't already one of the most amazing shows I've seen recently. Right up there with The Bates Motel. Or Rob Ford and the Scary Crack Dealers.
Now if you can believe it, here comes Mike Duffy demanding a full public inquiry !!!!
OMG. This is so spooky.
I knew they were as close as peas in a pod.
I remember how in that video of them at Rob Ford's bush party, they were falling all over each other.
But who knew that just days after Stephen Harper lost his Chief-of Staff, Rob Ford would fire his?
Well it took a long time, and he had to travel all the way to Peru, before he finally agreed to talk to the media about the sordid Senate scandal.
But today he did allow reporters to ask him TWO questions.
So he could tell people in Canada he's very, very, very sorry. But don't blame him, blame Nigel.
As I watched Stephen Harper walk up the steps of his getaway jet today, I can only imagine what he must have been thinking.
I'm leaving the piggy behind.
They can't question me, or arrest me.... in Peru.
And I told them NOTHING !!!!
He is angry, he is desperate, his whole world is collapsing around him under the weight of scandal.
The Duffy problem just keeps getting worse.
Making it almost impossible to claim that he didn't know what was going on.
His shell shocked caucus is revolting. Demanding that he do something, anything, to make this nightmare go away.
But at least now he has his boy wonder running him AND the PMO.
I don't know why Nigel Wright decided to sell his soul to a man like Stephen Harper, the sinister boss of the Con mob.
Or what dark force drove him to cut a $90,000 cheque for the sleazy senator Mike Duffy. A man he hardly knew.
But he sure learned a hard lesson today eh? When you work for the Con mob, and you get caught, it's all YOUR fault. And it's time to disappear.
More than four years later I can still remember how frightened Stephen Harper looked.
The Great Canadian Coalition was threatening to remove him from power. And the people were in the streets.
He was scared, he was desperate. But in the end he survived. The Governor General gave him what he wanted. He was able to kill the idea of a coalition by making it sound like a separatist plot to take over Canada.
But now all these years later, it has come back to haunt him.
Wherever you went in Toronto today you couldn't get away from Rob Ford.
Everybody was talking about him eh?
Wondering whether he's a crack head, or just plain crazy.
So I wasn't really surprised to find him waiting for me on my way home.
And as I stared at this ghastly apparition, I could almost hear him screaming " Somebody get me that !@#!! TAPE.
He has been drunk as a skunk in public.
He has given women and children the finger.
He is a crass, vulgar bigot, and the worst Mayor Toronto has ever known.
Now let Rob Ford explain this one.
A cellphone video that appears to show Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack cocaine is being shopped around Toronto by a group of Somali men involved in the drug trade.
Well he's finally been kicked out of Con caucus.
Senator Mike Duffy has resigned from the Conservative caucus and will sit as an Independent amid controversy over his living and travel expense claims.
Even as the scandals keep on coming.
Sen. Mike Duffy attempted to influence the Canadian Radio-Television and Telecommunications Commission’s upcoming decision involving the right-leaning Sun News Network, a source has told CTV News.
But now at last we can understand why the boys in the PMO were so desperate to try to make the problem go away.
Golly. When I compared the Harper Cons to a cult last night, I forgot to mention one thing eh?
They're are a cult. But they are strongly influenced by The Sopranos .
Where if you get in financial trouble, Tony tells you to go see Vinnie in the back room, and he'll cut you some slack.
Or in the case of the Harper mob, you go to see Nigel at the PMO, and he'll cut you a big cheque.
As you know I have long believed that Stephen Harper's Cons are not a political party like any other Canadians have ever known.
That they are more like a cult than a party.
But even as their deranged leader drags us into his ghastly darkness, muzzles the truth, lies about everything, and bullies his opponents, still some of my friends say to me: Simon, don't exaggerate, it couldn't happen HERE.
Well it was quite a scene in the old neighbourhood last night.
Thousands of members of the Leaf Nation cheering on their team outside the Air Canada Centre.
And the crowd was so excited for the first time in my life I hoped the Leafs would win.
And I was sad when it ended badly. Because those fans do deserve better.
But then so do we all eh? And in that regard I found this defeat extremely encouraging.
Sometimes, especially on a cold spring day like today, I can't help feeling depressed about living in a country like Harperland.
I can't help thinking about how great we might have been, and what the Cons have made of us.
How once we were admired by the rest of the world, as a cool young country with decent, noble values. And how Stephen Harper and his reactionary cult have shamed us, and turned Canada into a grubby little pariah state.
And when I feel like that, as I did today, all I can say is thank goodness for people like Chris Hadfield...
Well I think it's safe to say that Stephen Harper must be feeling a bit bruised this weekend, like Napoleon did, after his unfortunate visit to Moscow.
He's mourning the death of his old pitbull Doug Finley, who taught him not to take any prisoners.
Back in the glory days when his caucus was still loyal.
And he didn't have to worry about being taken prisoner himself.
Or being held hostage, by his own rabid base.
I have to admit that I have always disliked Pierre Poilievre. Something about him rubs me the wrong way.
He's abrasive, he's yappy, he's arrogant. He looks and acts like a weird old young guy trapped in the Cold War era.
And his recent comment that the "root cause of terrorism is terrorism" only reinforced my belief that he is a brutish right-wing ideologue.
As well as an absolute idiot.
If you've ever seen the movie The Fall of the Roman Empire, the low budget version, you'll remember that this scene comes pretty close to the end.
With the Empire collapsing under the weight of its own corruption.
The Mad Emperor facing a rebellion in his own ranks.
And the enemy at the gates.
And so it must have seemed to Stephen Harper today, a living, breathing, Roman nightmare.
He had done a lot of monstrous things, before he woke up one morning and decided to gut the census.
For no sane reason.
But for me it marked the moment when Stephen Harper crossed the desert of twisted ambition, and entered the dark valley of his personal demons.
For it was that crazy, and look what that maniac has done to us now.
Well after being missing in action for days, Stephen Harper finally dared show his face in the House of Commons today.
But it wasn't exactly a triumphal return, as you can see by the looks on the faces of his increasingly restless caucus.
And who can blame them eh?
When what he had to say must have had even some of those hapless Cons wondering whether Great Ugly Leader is losing his grip on reality.
OMG. I don't know whether to celebrate or send out an Amber Ape Alert eh?
But it appears as if Stephen Harper is missing in action.
He hasn't showed his face in the House of Commons for DAYS, and I'm starting to fear the worst.
Great Leader is not only hopelessly lost. Like the Ikea monkey. He's also losing his mind !!!!!
The birds have been flocking back to the island as they do every spring.
Flying in from south of the lake, on their way north.
But this year I'm not as glad to see them, as I usually am.
Because this year they can't help reminding me of what's going on in China.
He's spending millions of dollars attacking Justin Trudeau in the foulest way possible.
Trying to brainwash people into believing that Trudeau is not a real man.
Now he's preparing to spend millions more of OUR tax dollars trying to brainwash Canadians into thinking he's a real economist.
Well he's been called a lot of names.
And I've called him a few myself eh?
But I've never heard anyone call Great Ugly Leader the Wizard of Wrath.
Just as in the movie, our Wizard is playing the bully with the big stick to the very end.
In big things and little ones, the movie Wizard was nothing like the superior being that Dorothy, the Tin Man and the Lion expected to see when he was finally exposed. With Stephen Harper there is not much on display other than the lust to control, exercised with that familiar and most un-Canadian mean streak.
And I'm not sure it works.
The images are shocking and disturbing.
Just like the real thing.
But can an anti-bullying video be too shocking?
You be the judge...
It's hard to believe it's only been two years since that nightmare night.
Two years to the day since Stephen Harper finally got his precious majority.
And our precious Canada began to wither and die, as if choked by some monstrous weed.
Or ravaged by an invasion of alien apes from some barbarous planet in the bowels of the universe.
Oh. My. Gotterdammerung. Not even Sybil the Soothsayer could have predicted it would end like this eh?
Who could have known that Stephen Harper's rotting Con regime would collapse this way?
Not with a bang, but a boondoggle.
Uh oh. It looks as if Stephen "Raincoat" Harper is not only having trouble controlling his base impulses.
Controlling his depraved desire to portray Justin Trudeau as a girly man.
*Pant* *Pant."
He's also having trouble controlling his own caucus.
Because believe it or not, some of his Con stooges are refusing to peddle his porn
Well I don't know if there was a bright Jesus star hovering over Toronto fifty-four years ago .
Or a Death Star.
I don't know why the exorcist wasn't there. How hard is it to find a monstrous manger in a city for Crissakes !@#!!
But I do know that on that fateful day so long ago Stephen Joseph Harper was born.
And it was the day Canada started to die.
