As you may know, I consider Andrew Scheer to be a serial liar, a man who lies almost as much as Donald Trump does.
A liar who should have a flashing red light attached to the end of his large pointy nose to warn others he's coming.
But this latest lie is so bad it's ridiculous.
You don't see or hear much from Doug Ford these days. The Team Harper gang who are running his campaign are clearly planning to muzzle their monkey.
And turn his bus into a fortress where the media aren't welcome.
And who can blame them eh?
The last thing they need is the big gorilla trying to answer complicated questions with simplistic slogans he can barely memorize, and looking even more ignorant.
Especially since this point at least, Ford is heading for a massive majority.
But as if this Gong Show, or Kong show, wasn't scary enough, now we find out the Fordzilla and his supporters are channeling another Con ape.
It will be his birthday soon. One year since since he became Con leader and began his crusade to become Prime Minister.
After a Con leadership race marred by the lack of decent candidates, allegations of massive corruption, including claims that a small army of "fake conservatives" came stumbling out to vote for him, and then disappeared like zombies.
So you'd think that Andrew Scheer would be happy to have survived that leadership race, and still be Con leader. Or at least happy he hasn't yet been charged with electoral fraud.
But he's not. And it's probably NOT going to be a happy birthday...
I've tried to imagine who was more disappointed to find out that the man who killed so many people in Toronto wasn't a Muslim.
Ezra Levant or Andrew Scheer?
Because one needs bigotry to make money, the other counts on it to pleasure his brutish base.
And there's nothing that excites their depraved followers more than good old Muslim hate.
It's like Trudeau hate. It drives them wild, it arouses them, for some of them it's better than pornography.
And the way many of them, and their depraved media, reacted to the Toronto tragedy, showed us once again who those alt-right Cons really are.
It was already a horrible tragedy, an act of insane violence or murderous misogyny.
The alleged attacker had posted praise for a mass murderer in the United States who was part of the “incel” movement – a women-hating collection of “involuntarily celibate” men in online forums and other sites frustrated by their lack of success sexually attracting women.
It couldn't be more disturbing.
Or Just plain creepy.
But somehow Andrew Scheer and his alt-right Cons managed to make matters even more disgusting.
A week ago I wrote that Andrew Scheer was looking a little desperate. And I'm sorry to report that since then his condition has deteriorated.
And now he's even more desperate.
He can't use the fake India story him and the Con media cooked up.
It died of old age, and Scheer was left looking ridiculous.
Then he was spanked, first by the polls.
And then by Justin Trudeau.
For almost a year Andrew Scheer has gone after Justin Trudeau like a creature out of Hell.
He has attacked him day after day after day, as only a religious fanatic and alt-right sympathizer could.
He has made frothy Trudeau hate normal, he has corrupted the very soul of this country, and made us look and smell more like ugly America.
But through it all, through this storm of abuse, Trudeau has managed to keep his cool, and avoid attacking Scheer
Until yesterday.
The thought of Doug Ford as Premier of Ontario fills me with horror and disgust, for there is no telling what that political ape might do to degrade our country, and compromise our future.
But the thing I fear the most is what he might do to the province's healthcare system.
For although he is promising to create 30,000 long-term care beds, which would be great, he hasn't said how he would pay for them.
And judging by what he said yesterday, I'm afraid he could cannibalize the healthcare system and kill thousands of people.
When Doug Ford announced that his campaign bus would not be followed by another one carrying the media, there was a chorus of complaints.
But as I wrote the other day, Team Harper is running the Ford campaign.
And it seems that the situation is even worse than most had imagined.
As you know Maxime Bernier likes to portray himself as the hero of the Mad Max movies.
Or at least the extreme libertarian version of that series.
Where the lonesome hero wanders through an apocalyptic landscape dodging Big Government agents who are always trying to tax Canadians to death, or control their minds.
But I see Bernier as the star of a completely different movie.
Well Doug Ford has his bus, he's on the road, and he's now channelling Donald Trump, as only an ape could.
And vowing to go after Kathleen Wynne as Trump went after Hillary Clinton.
So don't be surprised if the mob he calls the "Ford Nation" starts chanting "lock her up, lock her up," at one of his bestial rallies.
But did you know that the ones who are giving him his Team Trump marching orders, are in many cases the former members of a another well known team.
Oh dear, poor Andrew Scheer has that desperate look on his face again. And no wonder, everything is going wrong.
Last night his "emergency pipeline debate" went nowhere, after all he could do was shout "Mr Trudeau build that pipeline!!!!"
Which seemed a bit ridiculous, considering the situation, especially since the Prime Minister is in Europe.
So most of the media didn't bother to cover it.
But if you thought that went badly, his attempt to use Trudeau's India visit to embarrass him, again, was even more of a fiasco.
I see that Doug Ford has unveiled his shiny new bus.
And a shiny new slogan: "For the People."
So he can ride in comfort all over Ontario, giving the people the thumb.
While giving the media the finger.
Because as you may know, he's not giving them a bus to follow him.
So it will be harder to ask Ford any embarrassing questions.
Like do you know what you are doing Meat Loaf?
Or are you making it up as you go along?
Or worse.
Ever since Justin Trudeau's trip to India was made to look like a disaster by the shabby stooges in the Con media, Andrew Scheer has gone crazy with Indian fever.
He's still trying to make the India story sound like it's the biggest story in Canada.
Even though it died of old age weeks ago...
But so desperate is Scheer to try to revive it, and get some of that poll boosting buzz back, he has been scouring every newspaper and supermarket tabloid in India hoping to find some evidence to use against the Prime Minister.
So you can imagine how horribly excited he must have been, when he thought he had caught Trudeau being humiliated by the Indian government.
Again !!#@!
During the last election campaign I used to have fun portraying Stephen Harper under assault by our superior social media.
And that superiority helped us bring down the Harper regime, by exposing their lies, helping to get out the vote, and by humiliating Great Closet Leader over and over again.
I loved it, there's nothing I like more than seeing bullies deflated.
But of course the Cons hated it, and vowed that they would never allow that to happen again.
And that this time THEY would be the Lords of Social Media.
It's a truly terrifying moment in human history. Donald Trump is vowing a massive missile strike on Syria.
And taunting the Russians.
While we wait to see whether Israel and Iran will declare war on each other and trigger an all out war in the Middle East. Or even the Third World War.
And to make matters worse, if that's possible, Trump has never sounded so crazy.
I know this may be hard to believe, but after attacking Stephen Harper almost every day for almost ten years, my memories of him and his grim decade of darkness had started to fade.
And I almost felt sorry for him.
After all I said to myself, he's not the Great Leader he once was. People change, time heals almost everything.
I even started to wonder whether I had been too hard on him. Can you believe that?
But then I saw this.
It's easy to forget that the Con leadership race that Andrew Scheer won, was tainted by widespread allegations of vote rigging and membership fraud.
And that even a few days before the final vote, Maxime Bernier was leading the other candidates, and Scheer wasn't even in contention.
But somehow he managed to cross the finishing line ahead of Bernier and his boys from the Beauce.
And now a bitter Bernier is claiming he knows exactly what happened.
It's now a recurring nightmare. The hellish vision of Doug Ford swinging from the CN tower and bellowing like King Kong:
"I'm da Premier of Ontario!!!!"
Now that the polls show him apparently heading for a gorilla of a majority.
And as if that wasn't bad enough, then there's this other poll suggesting that men are mostly responsible for what would be an act of collective madness.
Which I found even more disturbing.
For only that could explain a front page like this one...
As long as I can remember I've always considered the Cons to be more American than Canadian.
And since Andrew Scheer became their leader I've often wondered whether his party has been receiving money from some of the sinister billionaires who have been bankrolling right-wing groups all over the United States.
For who can forget how he tried to undermine our country at the NAFTA negotiations, for crass political reasons.
And now one of his good buddies has been caught with his grubby hands in an American cookie jar.
As we all know Donald Trump is becoming more and more unstable.
As the voices in his head get louder and louder.
I dare anyone to read this story and not conclude that he is losing his marbles.
And of course we all know that nobody in his cabinet is safe.
You know when I stare at that picture of Andrew Scheer, even I find it hard to believe that he is a mortal threat to Canada and its values.
I mean look at him.
He just looks like a nerd who would embarrass this country beyond recognition if he ever became Prime Minister.
A Mr Ding Dong if ever there was one.
But then I remember he is a creepy religious fanatic, who just can't stop lying.
It looked like some kind of low budget religious TV program, with a host and a guest who were made for each other.
Faith Goldy, the monstrous Christian Crusader and white supremacist, and Andrew Scheer, the creepy religious fanatic and alt-right sympathizer who would be Prime Minister.
Sitting in one of Ezra Levant's ratty Rebel studios, all but swapping spit, and talking about all kinds of alt-righty things.
From freedom of speech i.e. freedom to hate, to duck hunting.
As we all know the Con media's assault on Justin Trudeau during his trip to India was something to behold.
Relentless, vicious, and since most of the Con media covered it from Ottawa and Toronto, abysmally ignorant of what was really going on in India.
And hyped to the point of absurdity.
But our shabby, shuffling Con stooges did do Justin some damage, by claiming that he had SHAMED us in the eyes of the world !!!
Which was also nonsense, but because it's Canada, it had some of the dumbest hosers in the land running around shouting things like "Jesus Christ in a hotdog bun, we've been HUMILIATED !!#@!
And since it worked so well, and gave Andrew Scheer such a boost, they're now calling him Little Rocket Man, or the Flying Messiah.
The Con media is doing it again.
As we all know Donald Trump likes to rant and rave about the so-called "fake news," even though he produces ninety per cent of it himself.
And it seems the right-wing Sinclair Broadcast Group, that owns more TV stations in the U.S. than any other company, shares that view.
And ordered its news programs to deliver the same speech to its millions of viewers.
As I'm sure you know, I've been portraying Donald Trump as a hog as long as I can remember.
I realize that there are other names one could call that misogynist, that bigot, that dirty old man.
But hog, with apologies to real pigs who are better than him, always seemed right to me.
So you can imagine how happy I was to see the latest cover of New York magazine.
Andrew Scheer claims to be a great Canadian and a great Christian. Not necessarily in that order.
And his Easter card has a sinister looking cross on it big enough to crucify us all.
Or at least crucify those who offend him and his bloodthirsty Godzilla the most.
You know, liberated women, Muslims, LGBT Canadians, environmentalists, drug users, atheists, and of course the Great Satan Justin Trudeau, for whom Hell is too good.
But sadly for Scheer, he may have all the qualities of a religious fanatic, but he's no model Christian.
