Tuesday, May 25, 2010

When Will Canada Become a Real Country?

Well today was May 2- 4 Day in The Great White North. A day to celebrate the unofficial beginning of Summer, fire off fireworks, or just get drunk.

And why not eh? Because it's also the day when English Canada gets down on all fours and acts like a colonial poodle corgi.

By calling it Victoria Day after this dead English Queen.

A ghastly grim figure who never set foot in Canada, and somehow managed to come to symbolize both British imperialism AND sexual repression.

Even though the hideous Hanoverian herself was as horny as a bunny.

Which is why I'm so happy that in Quebec, they call it Journée Nationale des Patriotes or National Patriots's day.

To honour the Canadian/Canadien heroes who tried to tried to drive the British army out of this country, in the name of democracy.

I mean really eh? Who would you rather honour?  

As for me, when I see Canadians haul down our flag and raise the Union Jack I shudder. When I hear them play God Save the Queen before O Canada I cover my ears and hum loudly. When I see the way some people in this country slobber over the monarchy it makes me want to VOMIT.

So I'm with Wayne.

When (the Queen) visits Parliament Hill on Canada Day in just over a month, federal rules dictate that the Maple Leaf flag be lowered from the Peace Tower because her personal flag takes precedence. That's not good enough for this grand nation. At the Vancouver Olympics, we battled hard to put our flag on top. In Ottawa, bureaucrats insist we take it down. It's an insult to demote the symbol of our country any time, much less on the First of July in the capital.

British monarchs have bumped Canadians off our coins for over 140 years. Incredibly, a Canadian has never graced the front of a Canadian coin. That's not good enough. This glorious country should be celebrating its own people on coins. Even tiny Jamaica, a monarchy under the same queen, manages to honour national heroes on its pocket change.

It is about time we made this holiday Canadian, and honoured OUR heroes.

It's time we told the British Crown tah tah, bye bye, au revoir. Say hi to the corgis.

It's time we became a real country.

Oh yeah...one more thing. Since I'm presently living in English Canada what did I do today?

Call it Take my  Dog to the Beach Day.

Which was EXCELLENT.

And of course sing God Save the Queen...


  1. Hey Simon,
    I'm with you and so many other Quebecois on this. Journee des Patriotes would be more appropriate.

    In the end though, I don't think too many people care; to them, it's a long week-end; the first where Canadians celebrate the rites of summer. Folks open the cottage, etc.

    As for the monarchy, Gilles Duceppe says it best: they've never worked a day in their lives and they live off the tax payers.

  2. I admit a kneejerk twitch when I hear patriots being lauded. That word always seems to get dragged off into the "love it or leave it" reactionary bushes.

    And Quebec grumping otherwise, don't we have Canada (Dominion) day for National stuff?

    That said, doesn't the same argument hold about the "Easter" long weekend, etcetc? That's celebrating one religion above all others in the country.

    If we were being neutral, we'd call them "Bank" holidays like they do in England. Since the real purpose of the May long weekend is to break up the long dry stretch of work days between April and July long weekends.

    Anyway, it's the Queen's 'official' bday celebration, Elizabeth the reigning, not just Madame Vicky's. She gets oot and aboot to official functions and then celebrates her real bday at home. I'm not sure if it would be the same for any reigning monarch (ie: if Elizabeth pops off and Charles takes the throne).

    Around here, the weekend is known as the 'ok-this-is-the-earliest-we-should-be-doing-this-and-allegedly-we-can-plant-now-because-that-dump-of-snow-was-an-illusion-and-the-garden-won't-die-a-hideous-frost-blackened-fate-good-thing-we-have-an-extra-day-to-get-it-all-in' holiday.

    Although it's also known as the May 2-4 and serious outdoor drinking begins. (often after or during or procrastinating the backyard frenzy)

    I doubt you sympathize since you all are sweltering down East.