Saturday, July 07, 2007

Is it Time for MY Gay Marriage?

I must admit when I read that only ONE Canadian gay couple had got married in Toronto so far this year.

And that the religious freakazoids were already calling it another reason to scrap gay marriage

This would seem to strongly confirm past charges that the political and legal campaigns which successfully and dramatically changed the institution of marriage in Canada were ultimately about nothing more than forcing acceptance of homosexuality.

At first I was angry....and then I felt guilty.

Angry because these religious fanatics really are so CRAZY EVIL. First they warned that it was TOO MUCH for society to bear. That it would destroy the nuclear family, lead to doggy marriage and polygamy, turn rivers to blood and cities to salt. Now that it's quietly fitting in to the Canadian fabric...they say it should be scrapped because it is TOO LITTLE. If that isn't twisted I don't know what is.

And guilty because I felt like I was letting our side down. I wondered whether after almost nine years of living with Sébastien as a common law couple, it was time to take the plunge...for the good of the team.

And help give marriage in this country another boost. Because it needs all the help it can get.

But then I thought of those cake toppers....(Ugh)

And I quickly came to my senses....

The truth is I supported gay marriage because it was a question of equality. Gay couples deserve a choice just like straight couples do. But I can't get excited about it myself.

Maybe it's because I associate even civil marriage with religion and possession. Although the Amazing Beep showed in a recent post how the churches really stole the idea.

Marriage existed prior to the jewish version, the christian version or the islamic version. Religions do not OWN the concept of marriage. They have just formalized a natural process of pair bonding into their respective religions and tried to convince us that no other type of marriage except the ones they espouse, are allowed to exist.

Or maybe it's because I'm a romantic and believe that if love can't hold a couple together nothing can. Or just lazy...common law and things like a shared medical just fine for me.

Or maybe like some gay friends I know, years of bullying, oppression and hate have left their hidden scars on me. Made me feel like I'm not good enough. So I can't really believe that someone could really love me...or want to marry me. Even if they tell me they do.

I don't like to talk about love. It just makes me feel awkward and embarrassed.

What I love about having a lover is what you DON'T have to say to each other....

On the other hand I do plan on living with him for the rest of my life. So when one of Sébastien's best friends told me recently he thinks Big Boy would LOVE to get married ...something WE never talk about... it did make me think...the unthinkable... know what? It really isn't a big deal....if it would make him happy....I would be happy too. And if we can double the number of gay Canadians getting married in Toronto just by ourselves...and make the priestly perverts even more miserable than they are...maybe when he gets back in a couple of weeks I'll surprise him and pop the question.

Wouldn't that be WICKED? (Gulp)

Although if I do go through with it....and I'm not saying I will. I mean where are all those slutty queens who are always inviting me to their three-MONTH trick anniversary parties? Shouldn't they be getting married first?

But if I do....I will have to put my foot down.... so the other boys don't think I'M the bride....

I do promise to dress up for the occasion...and to try to look duly solemn and not laugh too much.....and he MAY kiss me after I sign my life away. But there will be NO cake toppers or Céline Dion or Madonna music at the party afterwards. It's one thing to be embarrassed....and quite another to be humiliated!!!!!

And above all....even if he feels like flying to the moon... he mustn't say he loves me....

Coz after making the ULTIMATE sacrifice for him....

I just might believe him.....

But now it's time for ME to fly away. Love is on the horizon, the marriage train may or may not be coming my way. But summer is RIGHT NOW!!

Up with love... gay or straight...married or unmarried. It's all beautiful.... it's all human. It's all the same thing.

Down with the hideous hatemongers who would destroy it!!

Have a great summer everyone!!!


  1. Have a summer filled with sun, leisure and (yes!) love, Simon. xoxox

  2. GoodGrief9:42 PM

    Simon, Delurking after a long hiatus. Marriage is a construct, nothing more,nothing less. I've been through one - 15 years didn't last beyond the biggie of losing children, and I've been through co-habitation - two living children. Now I am celibate by choice, so my musings on marriage should be treated as one of those crazy old maids who could not make a go of it.
    Marriage, to my mind, indicates a willingness - on both sides - to surrender oneself to another in the belief that the other will cherish and love. It is not a licence for one or the other to do whatever they want, it is a true melding of spirit and self. It is the ultimate compromise and unless one is willing to compromise, one should not entertain the thought of marriage - that applies to everyone regardless of sexual orientation.
    In legal terms, marriage provides protection, access to the loved one during health and other crises, tax incentives in certain cases and an official stamp of approval. However, it also invokes support issues, and while I don't know your intentions about children, when they are involved it gets even more murky. For example, I'm hetero, I had children outside wedlock by choice, I supported the son of a gun for 10 years after we ended the relationship, which was when I was pregnant with my son. (He's 18 now). The useless twit has never, not once supported his children, however, I was advised by a lawyer that he could take me to court for support because I allowed him to live in my home for 8 years after my children were born. Fancy that.
    Enough of my bitterness.
    Simon, if you want to get married, do so. If you don't, then talk it out with all your reasons.
    Honestly, you can get the same protections by drawing up and signing a legally binding contract (which marriage is, regardless of all the fairy tale crap).
    All this to say, if it feels right, do it. If it doesn't, don't because if you have any doubts they will come back and bite you in the bupkis.
    Wait, I'm a jaded old, celibate senile lady, so just ignore me and have a wonderful weekend with your beloved.

  3. Urrrrr,simon,i'm really surprised at your thought coz you are still young,u should still playyyyy.
    But,marriage can embed the love between u and Sebastian.So,do what u want.
    enjoy summer!enjoy ai!

  4. i'm surprised there was only one gay marriage this year in toronto...this does make it appear as though it were a trend, a fad...but as you say , it's the choice that's important.

    we hit the 30 year mark this september. whoa. more smooth roads then rough for sure. but then our wedding cake toppers were tiny little mice a girlfriend gave us. and we also never took beingmarried too seriously. it just kind of was what is was, has evolved and yadda's not for everyone nor should it be.

    if you do get hitched i'd like you to wear vintage 20 to 40's tux's please, or something outrageous...ok?

  5. Hi Em!!! Thanks a lot and you too!!! :)

    Hi Good Grief!! Nice to hear from you again. And thanks for your thoughtful wise and insightful comment. For a jaded old celibate senile lady you do seem rather smart. Although please try to do something about the celibate part :)
    I understand that marriage can be a lot more complicated for straight people....especially when children are involved. And don't worry I won't be having any!!! I'm sorry things didn't work out for you...but having raised a kid in spite of everything should make you feel proud.
    And then there's the whole patriarchal aspect which again doesn't affect me. Besides I should hasten to add I haven't discussed this with Sebastien so I have no idea whether he really wants to or not.I suspect he may want to please his sweet Quebecois parents...which would be OK with me.But as I said it isn't a big deal for me so either way I'm fine.
    Thanks again for your sweet advise... :)

    Hi Ur Merit!! Hey don't worry...I don't think it's going to happen. And even if I was hitched I would still have fun!! I'm not going to sit and watch tv and get fat like so many married couples I know. Although they do seem happy...I'm not as wild as I once was...or young...but still wild enough!!! :)

    Hi Scout!! I was surprised at first too. But from what I've read gay couples seem to marry later than straight couples do (40s and 50s rather than 20s and 30s)So those who have been living together for a while all got married at once. But as for younger people the are waiting to commit or just aren't interested in the institution like so many others. Marriage has been on the decline for a while.And it's also hard to get married when you are still living at home...But wow!! thirty that's something. Congratulations!!! In just twenty more years I'll be there too.... :)

    I will be wearing something outrageous to my wedding...should it come to pass...a kilt!!!!