Tuesday, July 10, 2007

How My Doggie Blew Up My Holiday Plans

( click to enlarge)

So it's glorious summer and I'm as desperate to get out of Toronto as the scarecrow at the end of the Island Airport runway is to go watch a baseball game.

But then everything went wrong...and just like the dummy I ended up going nowhere.

First I remembered that I promised a friend I'd help him rig his boat. So there went my morning....clambering up and down a metal mast...as dark storm clouds gathered... worrying whether I was going to be hit by lightning.

Which of course would be awful because the Big Blue Bigot would claim that it was God's punishment....and that she tipped him off by banning me from her Formaldehyde Kingdom. And that would be worse than death...or even her stinky blog.

Although I have to wonder whether she's been casting some bad juju my way....because of what happened next.

First I remembered that I had to settle an outstanding gas bill...before flying off anywhere..

Which set me back almost $500 bucks. Holy Shite or Sheik!!!! Where the fuck does that stuff come from anyway? Who's robbing us blind? Iraq......or Alberta?

And then came the final blow....

I remembered that I had made an appointment to take my black beauty to the Pet Hospital and Friendly Extortion Agency for his annual checkup.

Which after a battery of tests....starting with a $40 buck stool sample and ending with some expensive medication for a small cut on his lip cost me almost $400 bucks. Now that the Drug Barons are involved anything is possible...

But it did blow up my entertainment budget real good. Kaboom! And it does mean we ain't going ANYWHERE until payday. And maybe not until S├ębastien gets back.

But that's OK. Some things are worth a LOT more than others. The friendly extortionists told me he's as fit as a puppy even though he's almost twelve. And the sight of my beautiful gentle dog offering up his paw trustingly to be jabbed...or standing there wagging his tail...with a thermometer up his ass...was as they say PRICELESS.

And on the way home I came across another neat little animal story....remember this scene a few weeks ago?

Well it seems like all that hard work paid off....handsomely.

Which kind of made up for everything else...

Way to go Mama! But damn those little swans!! How DARE they have more fun than I'm having. I bet they're really enjoying THEIR glorious summer. I bet it's REALLY exciting.

While I just sit here blogging...with my most valuable possession curled up at my feet, waiting for my lover to return, and nothing to do but bike and swim and sail, and plan a quick but very wild trip to Montreal to see some of my old friends...AFTER payday..... but BEFORE S├ębastien comes back. Which is when my summer REALLY begins.

Damn you Big Blue Bigot!! You and your hideous pickle jars and your formaldehyde spells. What have I done to deserve this? Isn't gay life hard?

And the moral of this non-post? Patience pays off. Some things ARE more important than others. Love your pet like I do.

But don't forget to get pet insurance...


  1. There may be a lot of catholic juju to contend with out here but having taken my old dog in for her yearly and having paid only $167 for everything including meds, I'd suggest that maybe you should combine your dog's visits to the vet with holidays in the more civilized parts of this continent...

  2. There's a pair of swans that live down here on campus...they're nasty fuckers. Very rude, especially to the 6-8 very even-tempered Canada Geese that share the little man-made lake with them.

    The swans never seem to reproduce, making me wonder if they aren't trying to piss off the Blue Bigot too...but there seems to be at least one pair of geese that have fluffy little goslings each spring.

  3. Awww sweet story, Simon! I love the pic of Kerouac, he's a gorgeous boy. Yep, they're like our kids, only better.;)

  4. and scout will focus right in on ........THE DOG!!!! love 'em, love my bouvier to bits. vets? won't go to the local arrogant bastard and only take her in if necessary (which, knock wood, hasn't been needed so far).

    learn to treat things yourself!!!! a cut on the lip, no different than a cut on your lip...or a cut anywhere. dogs have the same metabolism as humans so the same natural or chemcical mediciations can be administered (done according to weight of course).

    investing in a few books or going to the library and jotting down or photocopying the info is well worth it.

    love thy dog but save thy pocketbook!!!

  5. Hi lept!!! Yeah right...rub it in..:) I never paid anything as much money in Montreal as I do here for the same thing. But this Pet Hospital is in the heart of the Gay Village...so they KNOW they really got us...

    Hola Jay!! Oh yeah the swans don't take any shit from the Canada geese. They don't mind the smaller ducks and just ignore them. But if any geese land in THEIR pond...especially at mating time....they come steaming along their long and strong necks bobbing like crazy...and chase them away. But since they winter here all year long...and I get to see them every day and even have names for some of them...and they are so beautiful and dignified... I love them anyway. Besides unlike those noisy quacking geese at least they shit in the water...instead of on my soccer field... :)

    Hi Scout!! Yeah I know I HATE taking him to the vet...and I usually do take care of him myself.But what can you do? They KNOW that I would do ANYTHING to keep him around for as long as possible...so they know they got me good... :(

    Hi JJ!! I'm glad you liked my little story.You know I've had a lot of dogs in my life...but NEVER one as gentle friendly and fun as Kerouac. And it's not just me....EVERYONE in the neighbourhood loves him!!!:)

  6. hahahaha

    the smaller birds all stay away, making me think that the swans are an old married couple that are closet gay and angry about it, lashing out at everyone who is different.

    I think they vote Republican... :)