Sunday, May 13, 2007

Scary Blow Jobs and the Attack of the Killer Puppies















Oh boy we live in such scary times. Where even the sight of a small plane buzzing harmlessly past the Toronto waterfront, can make you think of 911. Or at least the low budget, B-movie, made in Canada version.

And it's not just the threat of terrorism. There's global warming, the dirty air and the filthy water. If you get too much sun you get cancer...and if you don't get enough you get..... cancer. Toxic religious fanatics are everywhere. The honey bees are disappearing. Stephen Harper is Prime Minister. The pet food is poisoned.

And now the most devastating blow of all. Oral sex can be BAD for you?

Human papillomavirus (HPV) causes some throat cancers in both men and women, says a new study in The New England Journal of Medicine. And having multiple oral sex partners tops the list of sex practices that boost risk for the HPV-linked cancer.

Study participants who reported having more than six oral sex partners during their lifetime were 8.6 times more likely to develop the HPV-linked cancer.


And then there's the scary solution....which in my view is worse than the problem. i.e. having PROTECTED oral sex. Doesn't that sound like fun?

















Can't you just hear that sexy bedroom talk?

"Hey lover....What would you like to suck on tonight? A lemon flavoured rubber... peaches and cream .....mmmm.....yummy.... or would you prefer my LICKourice one?"

Hmmm....I don't know. I just can't see that one going down too well in the bedrooms and parks of the nation. It is a little hard to swallow. Although from what I hear some straight boys might be lucky if they EVER get sucked again. Now their honeys don't have to pretend to have a headache. Now they've got an EXCUSE.

Which is really bad news for those poor boys. But really good news for hookers.

The stimulation most men pay for is oral sex, according to research by Martin Monto, professor of social and behavioural sciences at the University of Portland. Eight out of 10 men asked about their sexual activities with a prostitute reported they'd received oral sex.

Something tells me the price of a humble blow job is about to go up.

Of course thanks to my gay brothers I don't have to worry about that...but I have to admit this latest bit of scary news almost drove me to my knees...in despair. I mean how much bad news can a person take? Before you hole up in your basement bunker and never come out? Or do anything pleasurable again? As in eat, drink, live free ....and fuck.

I decided I had to get away from it all. Find some quiet safe beach and chillout with my dog Kerouac. But it didn't work out that way. Even there danger lurked.

In the shape of a marauding pack of killer puppies....

I'd tell you all about it....but since everyone has to make their first YouTube...I thought I'd TRY to show you what happened instead.....




Can you believe that? Who let the doggies out? Is this world dangerous or what? Just when you think it's safe it bites you....or barks a lot.

But before you start building a bunker. Or stop having oral sex. Just remember that there are a lot of people out there trying to make you afraid of EVERYTHING.

Drug companies so they can sell more drugs. Right-wing governments who would fill us full of fear so they can "protect" us...by turning our country into a police state. Religious fanatics who drown us in hatred and guilt, so we give up on this life. And only think of the next one. Which of course doesn't exist.

So don't give them any satisfaction. Try to be like me and don't be afraid of ANYTHING.

Uh Oh...there come those killer puppies again.

Run Kerouac run!!!

5 comments:

  1. Poor Kerouac. He's got a lot of self control...I feel the same way at university quite a bit being older than most of my classmates. Yappy little shits. :)

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  2. OMG! What the hell was that? Kerouac is very good with all those yappy little shits. Call me a size queen but I would take a large dog that can be my friend over some yappy little ornament any day.

    I read about that oral sex/cancer thing, six, that really made me laugh. I should have died a thousand times by now, not that I’m bragging ;) Just another thing to be “afraid” of, and that idea of protected oral sex, puhleeze, that’s just pointless. Are the Catholics behind this?

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  3. Good dog, good human

    Loved the video what fun- and of course, labs are so even tempered.

    Thanks for the entertianment.

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  4. Hi Jay111 yeah but not quite as much as he showed this time. If I hadn't told him to be good he would have probably would have turned it over on its back and nipped its tummy to teach it a lesson. He doesn't hurt them or break the skin but they squeal like they're being killed. Which is bad. But unless they jump and bite his face he just ignores them...and I know what you mean about yappy young things. A few of them have just left this place ...and boy do I enjoy the peace and quiet. Like human like dog...:)

    Hi Bruce...wasn't that wild? They belong to a breeder who takes them places in the city and photographs them.He carries them around in a supermarket cart type thing with most of the twelve innide and the others trotting along behind. I love all dogs but I must admit I prefer big gentle dogs. When I'm forced to sleep alone it sure helps having a big soft thing warming your feet at the end of the bed....As for the oral sex story I've forgotten it already...there is something to be said for too many dead brain cells. But as for who is behind it ...probably the drug company that produces an anti-hpv vaccine. What I hope will seriously come out of this is an urgent look at whether the vaccine, now primarily given to young women to prevent cervical cancer, should be expanded to other groups...such as gay men who engage in bareback sex.But as for the rest of us I suggest we just keep on truckin'...or whatever :)

    Hi Sassy

    Well he's good anyway....He's the gentlest and friendliest dog I have ever had. He has never met a human he didn't like. He seems to think that everyone out there wants to meet him. So although I'm kind of shy...when we go out together we get to be introduced to EVERYONE. Which is agone...but I forgive him... :)
    And I'm glad you liked my video...it was my first one...so it was a bit botched...I just wish I had taken a few more closeups of the puppies because some of them were really cute...but noisy :)

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  5. OMG! That was sooooo cute!!! Poor Kerouac, those little leg-humpers were really after him. I like the way he just oh-so-casually lifts his leg in response. Hahahaa!

    Congrats on your first youtube! Excellent work.

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