Wednesday, May 30, 2007

The Queen, the Poodle, and the Corgie Meatball

One more good reason to get rid of the monarchy. It seems the English Queen really hates Tony Blair. Not because of the great issues of the day. But because he stopped her aristocratic friends from tearing foxes apart..... for fun.

The Queen is said to be vexed by a number of Labour’s policies – in particular its ban on fox hunting. Farmer John Daw said that when he met the Queen after the foot-and-mouth crisis five years ago he told her he did not think Mr Blair understood the countryside, to which she replied: “I know. I tell him that every week when I see him.”

Poor old Tony. Between the daily disaster in Iraq and being nagged every week by the dotty old Queen for annoying her lordy lords, squires and other twits....I wonder what drove him batty first? Probably the latter.

Bush's God told him to go to Iraq so what can a poodle do? But the country folk have been kicking up such a fuss you'd think they'd been told they can't fuck their relatives anymore.

And can you believe it? With all the problems facing Britain her idiot majesty is obsessed with the ban on fox hunting? And how disgusting. As if tearing a fox to pieces for sport wasn't absolutely obscene.

But maybe Granny Windsor would understand that better if instead of the hounds we used a pack of pitbulls. And instead of the fox we substituted one of her beloved Corgis....

And then after its horribly painful death we chopped it up into little pieces. And made it into a tasty Corgi Pie.

Oh wait....damm...somebody already did.

A British performance artist has eaten part of a corgi - the breed of dog that is the favorite pet of Queen Elizabeth II - to protest the alleged mistreatment of animals by the royal family.

Mark McGowan set up a table on a London street Tuesday and dined on what he said was the meat from a corgi in hopes of drawing attention to media reports that Prince Philip, the queen's husband, had beaten a fox to death during a hunt.

OMFG! A performance artist. The Queen's favourite dog turned into a Corgi meatball. And Yoko Ono too? What more can I ask for? Except hope that this little dream of mine could come true....

The one where her Majesty is at a lavish banquet in Canada, and I'm masquerading as a French chef modelled after Chef Dion. And I replace the boeuf bourgignon with a succulent looking Corgi roadkill stew....and serve it to her.

And after she's finished gobbling it up I sidle up to her and ask her: "Did you like our Canadien speciality madame your majhostie? And when she says " yes but what WAS it pray tell? I've never tasted ANYTHING quite like it since Burma in 1955...and it was MONKEY."

I get to say "it was Corgee Casserole..... We cook it in its skin and chop ze doggie up afterwards...its Canada's favourite deesh...except in Quebec where we prefer meat of horse.....stewed in its own blood. Bloody good as you blokes come chez moi... I make you some..."

Then as the Queen vomits into one of her large and ridiculous hats...and the real Chef Dion comes running out of the kitchen screaming "Ooh la la quelle desastre ....I'm going to keel myself!!!!

I reach into the bottom of the Corgi Casserole...pull out what's left of the dog's head and lay it gently on a silver platter in front of her.

And then moon her while shouting " Down with the Monarchy. Vive le Canada Libre!!!"

After that I'm quite sure Betty wouldn't want to be Queen of Canada anymore. Which would be a good thing.

Because let's face it. A country with an English Queen obsessed with the oafs in the English countryside and fox hunting isn't much of a country.

Until we get rid of this ridiculous monarchy. Or until the poor eat the whole bloody lot of them. Except for Prince Harry....

Canada will be just a colony...and the joke is on us...


  1. the inbred royals really are quite sometihing. liz isperhaps upset that mummmmy is gone so needs to sanction fox grinding. blair is a twit lover, such an opportunistic little bast. the movie 'the queen' was really about HIM after all, though trying to display him as modest in his role (gag).

    the royals have done nothing for native causes in north america yet in canada they still have legal obligations which they do not fullfill. perhaps it should be an indian serving her pemican corgie.

  2. hahahaha brilliant!

    I would love to see the monarchy mothballed, and have ever since I was a wee boy.

    Oh, Si, I'm working on a portrait of the oh so Right Honorable Prime Minister Harper. SHould be done early next week sometime. I'll send you pics when it's done.

  3. Hi JJ I think it would do Canada a lot of good if we decided to redefine ourselves and did away with the monarchy.Native rights would not only be reasserted but we could draw much more on native traditions to give ourselves a whole new system that we could be really proud about...

    Hi Jay!! Hey I didn't even get into what think of her as Queen of Scotland...about the same as I thought about Idi Amin as King :)
    A portrait of Great Leader??? I can hardly wait. But be careful... if the ReformCon Ministry of Disinformation and Propaganda hears about this they'll send their agents after you!!