Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The Killer Kiss and the Tres Gay Musketeers

It may look like Siberia out there...Great Fat Leader may be about to stage a coup by ignoring the will of Parliament.

Al Qaeda may be planning to bomb Alberta. (If they need a map I've got one.....)

And judging from Chimp Bush's newsconference today...we're about three weeks away from Oil War Three.

But here in the bunker I've got a more immediate problem. How am I supposed to study for some exams I've got coming up...when I don't have any Mars bars?

I need them along with coffee and cigarettes to fuel my drive for excellence....after slacking off for months. But they've been banned in the bunker ever since the company that makes them put those homophobic Snickers ads on during the superbowl.

Ads like this one...

Oh yeah....the killer kiss...You know people who react to the sight of two men kissing with disgust.... or homophobic violence......are sick fucks who need to have their heads examined. Any company that produces that kind of message deserves to have its products boycotted.

But I have to admit this Mars bar ban is really hard on me. Not only am I going to flunk my exams. But it's practically an assault on my Scottish heritage. I mean after all....we're the proud inventors of the deep-fried mars bar.

Not only is it not a myth..... it's practically a culinary tradition. In some parts of Scotland going out to dinner means fish and chips for a main course. A deep fried mars bar for dessert with cinnamon and vanilla ice cream.....and of course forty shots of whisky and beer.

But before you laugh...just remember we also invented penicillin...

And I KNOW you want the recipe... mmm....with tomato sauce too....and ice cream....OR french fries...

Anyway...the good news looks as if those homophobes have learned their lesson. It turns out the same company makes another bar The Three Musketeers. And not only is it larger...

It's new ads are a lot

Worse in straight ...better in queer.

Definitely funnier. Definitely gayer. It's ok to laugh at us....and at some of the things some of us do. Even portray us sometimes as wild sexual animals. I certainly am.

Just remember that we also painted the Mona Lisa and the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel...

As for those Tres Gay Musketeers....does anybody out there know...

If you can deep fry them?


  1. Maybe I'm pessimistic,but I do think these ads are just laughing at homos.

  2. lol, this was pretty awesome! Especially that video! Maybe I will actually be able to fall asleep now! Although I am not so sure. still in a :( mood

  3. Deep-fried mars bars --?? No, really? You've tasted those? (yikes) I think I'd prefer a wee haggis.

  4. Hi Ur! I know what you mean...and it wasn't really that funny. That's why I said that straight people should remember that gay men like Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo painted the Mona Lisa and the Sistine chapel...But the other ad was really dumb and evil...this one was just kind of funny but dum. The more confident we become the less they'll laugh at us. And the more we can laugh at ourselves :)

    Hey Rashid...I'm glad you found the video awesome...I have to admit...that tho it was kinda dum..the first time I saw it I almsot fell out of my chair laughing. And the second time too.
    And hey I LOVE that picture you have on your blog of your door!!!!! Is that a GAY SPACE of what? Good for you :)

    Hi JJ!!!....ok I admit it...I've only tried them once...I find them disgusting....and an affront to the nation just like the French once called them when some chi chi rstaurant in Paris put them on the menu...
    And while I'm at it...ever since I found out that Haggis had heart and lungs in it...I won't touch that either. Although nowadays you can even get vegetarian ones....On the other hand Scottish meat pies and kippers are the best in the world! :)

  5. You're right,we really need to be confident.Now,Chinese new year is coming,so happy Chinese new year to u!!!

  6. Just so you know, there's place just down the street from where I live that has deep fried Mars bars.

    They specialize in cholesterol, but Man the food is good.