We interrupt my summer again to bring you this morning tv special...Live from the White House it's the George and Steve Show!!(applause) Wow what a proud moment that must have been for our wannabe President. Not only did the Bush regime provide more flags and sailors than a Broadway production. And force even Dick Cheney to attend. They even gave Harper his very own shiny Presidential Seal. Just like the real President has. Yup the Bushies really put on quite a show to please their little puppet.
Too bad it was such a comedy of errors...
Starting with Harper's bizarre decision to begin the news conference with a lengthy statement in French. It was obviously another blatant attempt to play to the soft nationalists in Quebec. The ones he is counting on to give him a majority. But it backfired horribly.
I turned on the CBC's French news network and for some reason they were translating into French, the English translation of Harper's speech in French. You could hear the English translation in the background. So any unilingual French viewers would have assumed that Harper was speaking in English. And since his lips were out of synch he looked really weird as well. Like a puppet or a marionette. Ooh la la. Bam. Uh Oh. Talk about making poutine out of those Quebec brownie points.
Then when the questions began they were all about North Korea and all of them aimed at Bush. So in a desperate attempt to include Harper, the Chimp then declared that the North Koreans were also a threat to Canada. They might fire a missile at the U.S. and hit us instead. And the Harper poodle rolled over on its back and agreed. Even though the North Koreans can't even get it to fly. And can't even make reliable bicycles.
Yikes. Talk about a threat to real estate values in Vancouver. All those expensive homes are worth at least 100-thousand dollars less tonight. Do you think the owners can sue?
I didn't think it could get worse than that. But it did. It degenerated into outright farce when CTV's Robert Fife asked Bush if he liked his personal gift from President Harper. (A Calgary Stampede belt buckle and a stetson) And Bush who hadn't received them yet was left fumbling with his belt as if he was about to take off his pants. While Harper just stood there with his mouth open. God knows what unseemly Adam and Steve act could have ensued if the Chimp had actually dropped his drawers.
By this time I was lying on the floor laughing so hard I thought I would die. A belt buckle and a stetson? Is Harper the President of Canada or Alberta? I didn't think anything could top that. But it did. The final humiliation came with the grand finale.
Bush called on any reporter who was celebrating a birthday to join him on stage for a group hug. And about three or four of them did. Leaving Harper looking on from the sidelines spluttering something like "if anyone else comes up here I'm really going to have to object." But nobody paid him any attention.
The only way he could have got the media to focus on him again is if he had put on an evening gown and a big blonde wig and started singing "Happy Birthday Mithta Prethident..." Like she did.
For a moment I almost felt sorry for Harper. He looked so miserable standing there watching as the news conference was hijacked by the hated media. Looking on like the nerd at the high school dance. As Bush hugged all those reporters instead of him. Boy that must have hurt.
I mean put yourself in his shoes. He sells out his country's economic interests. Allows the Americans to keep a billion dollars of the money they stole from us. He cancels plans to decriminalize the possession of small amounts of marijuana. Says he'll jail more kids and build more prisons instead. Blows the religious right by promising to persecute gays and lesbians. Spends 15-billion dollars on the military in just one week. All just to get a pat on the head from the criminal Bush regime. And then they treat him like that?
He doesn't even get a whole news conference with his hero Chimp Bush. They don't even call him Mr Prime Minister. He only gets to have the Presidential Seal for an hour. He doesn't even get a Chimpy hug. They just call him Steve. And treat him like one.
It's probably good enough for Harper. I can hear him now. "He called me Steve. He called me Steve. He likes me. He really likes me..." But as a proud Canadian it's not good enough for me. I think Prime Ministers should act like Prime Ministers. Not Presidents. Or flunkies. Ugh.
Oh yes. I was glad to see the end of that humiliating little comedy show in Washington today.
Too bad our horror show continues...
Turns out the Americans noticed how the birthday boys got the cake while Harper was left with just the crumbs. Good question Robert asks. Where was our dumbo media? Looking the other way? Joining in the fun? Or just helping our pathetic wannabe President lick up the crumbs?