Thursday, June 22, 2006

Surviving the Gay Pride Parade

As you can see from this screen shot, I turned on our only gay tv news program just in the nick of time. Just as the anchor was pulling off his underwear. And reminding us all to turn out for Sunday's Gay Pride parade. Although I wish he hadn't done that. Reminded me I mean. I feel tired already. You see the parade may be the climax of a wild week-long party. But it's also a bit of an ordeal.

It's too long, too corporate, and too boring.You stand there for hours in the blazing sun waiting for your friends to go by with the goody goody contingent. So you can spend five minutes squirting them with your water gun.

There's not enough music, and the floats and costumes aren't up to gay standards. There are too many tired drag queens and not enough sexy guys or gals shaking their booties off. It's not political enough or wild enough. And people gay and straight lining the parade route aren't free to join in.

All you can do is watch from behind barricades, as the beer and condom floats go by. And hope that it ends soon. Before you get sun stroke. Or collapse from boredom.

And then there are the freaky nudists who can't tell the difference between a public street and a nude beach. The ones with the tiny fig leafs that I'd like to replace with a big bunch of poison ivy.

Anyway, after four or five hours of all of that, and a couple of hours of navigating the packed crowds on Church street, I'm usually so wiped, all I can do is stumble home and go to bed. Alone. How gay is that?

But who am I to criticize the parade? A lot of people work really hard with very little to make it happen. As they have done for years. I had a chance to volunteer this year and I didn't. So I should just shut up. Anyway I hear the organizers are going to speed things up this year. And even if they didn't I would still grab my water gun and go.

It's important for people to see how many of us there are. How we come in all shapes, and sizes, ages and colours. That we're their fellow citizens and that we want to be their friends. It helps closeted gays and kids feel they're not alone.

Who knows it might even help a young straight thug become a model citizen. Before he attacks a gay man. Like this guy did.

Isn't that a twist?

Talk about winning them over one gay bashing at a time... But I did like the reformed gay basher's message to the gay community:

"Don't be afraid to show who you are."

Don't worry we're not. That's why we've got "Fearless" and a clenched fist on our t-shirts. See you at the parade. It might not be the most exciting and gayest parade in the world.

But it's the only one we got...


  1. What makes a parade "Gay". the local unions marching?,the local Trotskies?
    politicians trying to ingratiate themselves,ChimpBushHitlerHarpie bashers,? Judy Garland look a likes?
    fat nudists? dykes with big boobs?
    Is it a celebration, a protest, an affirmation? or just a mess, with everyone reading into it , what he/she wants.

  2. so where is the screen shot without his underwear on ? :)

    anyhow I hope you have a good pride, I live half a block from Church St, so everyone can get drunk at my place before going out.

  3. I'm actually not a big fan of gay pride parades in their current form. I lived in the Toronto area for the first 32 years of my life and attended two parades. I know I'm probably being a stick in the mud, but baking to a crisp on the edge of a sidewalk watching as every gay stereotype in the book flies by as not my idea of making a statement. Far be it for me to criticize, but negative attitudes about gay people are formed by the swinging dicks and sagging tits that the media always shows on tv segments. How about toning it down and showing people we are everyday people just like them, and how about some real easy to read statements about equality?